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4/21/15

Creating and/or intensifying our center of interest on unnecessary problems is life’s way of attempting to get across that we have forgotten how lucky we are at this moment or, understand how fortunate we previously have been on so many of its basic levels. Why we do this is a complex jumble of factors that we too easily allow to serve as predators that keep us isolated in caverns of despair without recognition that we have the resources to defeat them with many of the same implements that constrain us. How we get out of those situations may be more complex but then again maybe not, if we fully demonstrate that we are aware and appreciative of what we have and can have with OUR own (not someone else’s) work, and that we are not forever cursed by the anomalies that arise through personal or foreign invention.

I say this today because I spent the last two weeks “pissed” off about the two fairly intense seizures I suffered on April 6th that hurled themselves into a pattern of existence that was fairly peaceful and content since the more traumatic injuries and seizure I suffered a little over a year ago. Maybe I didn’t understand because this most recent dilemma thrust itself into that pattern without any apparent action, inactivity, or contribution on my part that would seemingly have held me accountable for its occurrence. I mean, where is the fairness in being blindsided, impeded, and figuratively thrown back on the ground because of it? Now after some reflection, I understand that I am an “idiot” for even asking and I’ll tell you why!

My most recent post, “For Goodness Sake, Life is Fair!”, is something I initially wrote to you guys last December and it now “called me out on the carpet” to prove my words and thoughts had validity to this present showdown. It fortified what needs to be done to “save” an individual method of living too valuable to disregard over this setback, regardless of how the “real” demands of it present themselves in the upcoming minutes, hours, days, weeks, etc..

Just like you guys, being lectured about the most obvious approaches to various challenges can be irritating, even when the source of that advice is ME. However I truly needed ME and no one else to wake up and remind me of the following: “LIFE IS FAIR! It does not seek out anyone individually to punish yet it does allows us the opportunity and freedom to overcome almost anything, even though it may not be exactly as we’d prefer.”

Also from that same post, there was included a quote that sorted things out a bit more: there is a “difference between feeling neurological pain and real pain. With neurosis, there are lots of things that feel like assaults on the self. With greater degrees of mental, [physical], and emotional health, fewer things feel like assaults on the self.” I was angry and frustrated but what I felt was not the kind of pain that should disable me beyond the general limitations that may temporarily curtail me and by no means should they be allowed to travel with me on a course of happiness that I’ve worked so hard for, I’m entitled to, and want to share with those around me!

So “I’m back” (whatever that means) from where I was after being a little bit lost as the dust settled from the quakes caused by the seizures, wishing only that I hadn’t lost the two weeks to the haze and associated exasperation that resulted. I finally get it that it’s not as important about what just occurred but what I do as I walk away from it, determined to stride towards something better. I will continue to believe in the following with all my heart because who has the right to tell me I’m wrong? “Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” – G. K. Chesterton.

On a related note after reflecting on what I needed to do to address the results of the seizures and my commitment and stubborn obsession to them, I casually mentioned and kind of half-apologized to Christian the other day that there was no way to avoid the fact that he and Jason carry my blood and that of my parents on how we approach things and he simply responded, “Dad, you don’t know how much I thank you for that!” I liked that, especially since the kid was the only one with me when the seizures happened and he kept it completely together and got me help while on the street waiting for Deb to get there while away from home when things could have turned out much worse if he hadn’t been so calm. Thanks C and it goes to show that it’s always a benefit when a “Dico” has your back since slaying dragons don’t seem to be impossible to them, you know?

Last thing which is something I wrote to a friend having a tough day yesterday based on a website (“jumpforjoyphotoproject”) created by a photographer now following my site after coming across my recent post about life being fair. It’s based on pictures she takes of people jumping in the air with joy at various sites around the world. After seeing those photos and their impact on me, I told my friend that sometimes we should all just “jump for joy” because we can and should, instead of letting other people and things tether us to the ground because they’re not supposed to and they shouldn’t! It just seems that there’s more than enough reasons to make such jumps when we can!

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