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~ Convergence of reflections, contemplations, and other musings

JoeDicoSpeaks

Monthly Archives: May 2016

Happy Memorial Day – Reflections To Jason

30 Monday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Gratitude, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

≈ 6 Comments

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Family, Inspiration, Life, Sharing, Thanks, The Journey, Veterans

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(Original Posted Last Memorial Day)

5/25/15

“Just give me tomorrow.” – unidentified Korean War Marine soldier

Jason, I think you’ll like this given your admiration for the Marine Corp.

I was watching a Military Channel documentary “Against the Odds” about a company of Marines who fought in one of more iconic battles in the history of the Corp at the Chosin Reservoir during the Korean War or “police action” as it was officially referred to.  I guess this was to avoid the stigma of the conflict that ended just years before called “WWII”.  I’m not sure that the soldiers in the field during the later action felt any different than the ones who were part of the earlier one.  However if that description made it more palatable to the politicians and public at the time, so be it but again, I’m sure the consequences and emotions associated with the battles faced by both “boots on the ground” were vastly similar regardless of it’s presentation to the masses.

Now back to the “Frozen Chosin” and the company that eventually was known as “Bloody George” because of it’s casualty rate.  Their role became famous within the grander story that makes every Marine proud to be part of that tradition.  Just a quick breakdown of the story, the George Company of the 1st Division after landing on Inchon (another iconic battle) and fighting in Seoul drew, more by circumstances than choice, the responsibility of having to hold their ground serving as “Spartans” to fend off what seemed to be the inevitable annihilation of the entire division by an unexpected attack by a Chinese forces.  The Chinese army vastly outnumbered them while the division battled unforgiving terrain and the most severe elements of the winter that struck during this engagement.

I was riveted in fascination by the story and interviews with the surviving members of that company.  Since my father (your grandfather) was a Marine veteran of Korea who continually referred to ideals of his beloved Corp as I grew up, I look upon just about every Marine combat veteran with an abundance of respect and personal pride by just having that connection with my father as well as other family members who wore that uniform.  J I know you carry that pride and still hold my father’s Marine emblem in your hand during each pre-game prayers and rituals.  Interestingly, I was informed after my father’s death by a Marine Corp vet who knew my Dad that he was involved in that epic battle while he was still still only a teenager.  I’ve never bothered to verify its accuracy nor do I question its veracity since it wouldn’t affect the “hero” I’ve always viewed him as during my whole life.  Moreover given his character, it doesn’t surprise me that he didn’t share that information because as I’ve learned, it was an awful engagement to be a part of and it was a memory reserved for a different audience than someone who could never understand the basic and personal ferocity of war.

So back to the point (thank goodness).  George Company, who continuously battled for months of fighting culminating in surviving and escaping from a relentless onslaught of attacks by the Chinese (who outnumbered them 10-1) and the environment at Chosin, were nearing the end of their organized march to the deliverance of their home base from this personal “hell”.  At this juncture, a correspondent approached one of the beleaguered company and asked what probably sounded like a ridiculous question at the time considering all the Marine had been through.  However his response gave a profound meaning to not just his or his comrade’s existence but served as a reminder to mine.

Paraphrasing the question to that soldier, he was asked “if I were God and I could give you anything for Christmas, what would you want?”  A picture was taken of his face with the vacant stare often seen on those in combat, fatigued and almost indifferent to the death he’d witnessed, answering with this simple response:  “just “give me tomorrow!”

It would take way too long to share my own history to fully capture how important those words came across to me when I first heard them and all the times I’ve repeated them in my head since then.  I think of all those times when I probably exaggerated the despair over the pseudo and “faux” ordeals that I unnecessarily burdened myself with at the expense of valuable time lost and the damage it caused.  As I sit where I’m at now in my life, I can only say that I’m so ashamed of myself and I apologize to my Creator for all those days I despised and destroyed, along with all those “tomorrows” whose future occurrence I dreaded – how’s that for honesty?

I understand now, and thankfully not too late given my close calls with immortality, that each day was my own personal gift with resources to invest as I saw fit and that the “tomorrows” were only a privilege with no assurance that they would ever begin.  I was such an f’ing fool and I also apologize to those who continually attempted to point out the overwhelmingly numerical reasons why my life was better than the few I chose to focus on and torture myself with – again, how’s that for honesty?

So my point, especially to you Son.  Never under-appreciate the simple, basic elegance of the days afforded to us since they pass out of our vision too quickly and thinking what’s ahead of us to replace it just may never be there.  It shouldn’t take that particular Marine or some old guy who fell on his head leading to a massive brain bleed, with the odds numerically against them more than most others for getting another “tomorrow”, lead you to understand what is right here in front of us is the only time that we are guaranteed to make the best difference for ourselves and everything around us.  J remember what I told you: until the last sun sets on the days we are given, every tomorrow has the potential to be the best day of our lives with the odds dramatically in our favor based on what we do, how we live, and the hope we carry towards the next day and it matters not how it ultimately turns out.

So I dedicate this message to my father, the Marines, and all military veterans given that this is Memorial Day and it’s important to me that I do something even if it’s sharing this particular story and associated message.  Referring to the Marine Corp credo of “semper fidelis”, I think it’s pertinent to the ideal of being “always faithful” to acting for the betterment of ourselves and those especially close to us.  In my case in thinking about the story above, if we try to practice with that faith and tragically are not “given tomorrow”, at least what is left behind for others is a memory and it should reflect the following:  We did the best we could, despite any adversity we had to endure, and capitalized on every internal and external resource available to us to make a joyful difference in the only life that we’ve been given, regardless of whether our own expectations of perfection are met.

I’ll end with this quote because I’ve been waiting so long for the right opportunity and I think it relays such a strong message regardless of the particular religious beliefs that are individually adhered to.

“Live a good life.  If there are gods and they are just, they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by.  If there are gods but unjust, then you should not want to worship them.  If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” – Marcus Aurelius

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“Overachievement” or “Underdiscovery” – Thoughts To My Sons

27 Friday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Baseball Equals Life, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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Accountability, Inspiration, Life, Motivation, Self-Help, Sharing, The Journey

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(Jason)

9/15/14 (Original Version Posted 3/15 With Modifications For Today)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Know that no matter how hard we try and what is gained or left unachieved in our efforts each day, appreciate this.  We learn so much about ourselves and that we can achieve exponentially more during the days ahead by applying that discovery towards our future endeavors.

I came up with this thought while at the beach the other day and it kind of encapsulated a great deal of my transformation.  Walk through this with me if you can see my logic.  I don’t like using the term “failure” because by making the initial effort, you have only been “unsuccessful” so far in your initial attempt(s) and only by learning through those attempts can you see how close you are to success.  Hopefully you wisely use that experience and knowledge to recalculate the next attempts to quicken our approach to our objectives or expansion beyond them.

I do understand the concept of “underachievement” to the extent that one chooses, for whatever reason, not to apply their known ability to a situation that demands it.  More disappointing than the outcome is the knowledge that the preparation was so insufficient that the ability could not be called upon because the resources for its application were unavailable.  Either way, responsibility boils down to personal ownership of all related causes.

With respect to the over applied term “overachievement”, I’ll put it out there that it does not exist and is primarily used for dramatic effect.  It’s certainly debatable but in my opinion, “overachievement” is really a matter of “under-discovery”.  We learn almost every new day that we are capable of more than we expected of ourselves by embracing our existing and newly encountered challenges.  Prime example: the 2014 Redondo High baseball team.  Casual observers would dismiss the success of the team reaching the CIF semi-finals as just a result of “overachievement”.  Maybe there was just a lack of appreciation by the coaches and team of the hurdles that needed to be conquered a month before the Bay League season started and ended (remember the no-hitter against you guys in Irvine).

But then as in life, there was a new discovery of what was always there that introduced itself through the timing, sequence, the circumstances, and opportunities that revealed themselves and were taken advantage of leading to a growing faith and belief in not only that outcome, but doing what had never been done in 100 years by taking the CIF title a year later, and now in the national rankings throughout this current year while doing more of what’s never been done in the quest for another championship!  “Overachievement”?  Hardly since in my mind, it’s just the expansion of what has either revealed itself or you have unlocked in your hidden vault and is now part of the magical routine of your existence.

I’ll finally leave you with this challenge.  I know it’s fairly impossible to bring your “A” game to every encounter.  However when presented with the greatest obstacles in the path of your most sought after goals, apply and exhaust the best part of you to overcome it.  Do not allow the term “underachievement” to be used to explain the outcome.  You’ll see what you thought was the best you could achieve, regardless of the result, is only a precursor to what is available to you in the future given the proper outer effort and inner discovery.  Then history of YOUR world can be rewritten everyday as a consequence!

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(Christian)

Sometimes What’s Perfect Is Greater Than Perfection – Thoughts To My Family

21 Saturday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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Happiness, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Motivation, Peace, Self-Help, Sharing, Thanks, The Journey

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(Redondo Pier 5/16 With Photo Contributed By Deb Dicochea.  Originally Posted 8/15)

11/9/14

“Aim for success, not perfection.  Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life.”

Perfection is the ideal but the perfect result may be entirely different.  The fabric of our identity is not defined by what we envision but the difficulties that we will ultimately have to confront to get to where we end up.

We struggle too often with our expectations and what we feel we deserve which sometimes is masked behind feelings of entitlement.  Quoting a line from an old movie, “deserving has got nothing to do with it” or at least our perception of it.  Do you really think that God has children born into starving countries or impoverished communities because they deserve it?  That doesn’t make sense and the simple answers as to why it happens is that “I don’t know”, and “it’s not for me to know”. Thinking about “why them”, and “why not me”, is as perplexing when things are not going well for us and we form the questions “why me” and “why not them?”  Same simple answers.

Ask any adult with some years behind them if everything has turned out the way they dreamed whether you want to pin it down on a personal, professional, family, social, physical, creative, or emotional level.  The initial goals and aspirations were based on an ideal yet inexperienced vision of perfection.  The better question is to ask them to compare those dreams to what turned out “perfect” and why.  I’m pretty sure it will be different yet harder to define.

Here’s a perfect example.  Ask this other question to any adult who’s ever faced the challenge of raising a child well, or been married an extended period of time if this reality ever set in:  I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard!

We understand the basic reasons as to “why” but figuring out the intricate causes that separated our results from another’s with similar circumstance is perplexing.  I mean why did Brian Piccolo (“Brian’s Song) die in his 20’s from lung cancer after never smoking, and others live into their 90’s after smoking a pack a day?  Why did my best friend’s car get struck by a drunk driver and he was the one who died?  How does a younger, healthier person suffer a head injury/bleed, seizure, and die or end up incapacitated, and I survive with a better than expected recovery?  It troubles me but its better off left to “I don’t know”, and “it’s not important for me to know” since I guess “deserving has got nothing to do with it.”

All unfortunate things happen for a reason whether we may not always understand why at the time.  Sometimes the weight that drags our hearts down takes us to where we need to be.  By being there, we may not find what we want but we can better identify what we don’t want, what we don’t need, what we don’t want to happen, and where we don’t want to be again.  We have a better understanding of our large and small successes in the past, and how misguided we were to think we were entitled to more.  Most importantly, we learn how to measure success differently so that the fruits of our efforts are hopefully better appreciated when we see them again.

Trust me, something does come from what may seem like “nothing” at the time.  It’s only temporary even though we may feel like we’re wasting away under the fatigue.  I’ve accepted that our lives, when stripped to their basics, can make the solutions less complex than they need to be and only complicated by what we feel we are owed from how much we despaired.

Don’t lose hope because success begins from any amount of optimism.  Feeling alone is only a condition of the situation, not a product of our overall circumstances.  Beyond those near us, there are 7 billion people on this planet that should convince us that we’ll never be alone.  Chances are that we’re closer than we know to where we want and “deserve” to be, so slow down, breathe, and take better steps based on what we’ve learned and where we’ve been!

Boys, There Are No Limits In This Father’s Eyes

14 Saturday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Baseball Equals Life, Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Accountability, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Motivation, Self-Help, Sharing, The Journey

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12/28/14

“One finds limits by pushing them.” – Herbert Simon

Ok, we can pretty much agree that this essentially describes me and a good portion of the significant parts of my life.  I’m an extremist by either nature or nurture.  If I strive for moderation, then I only settle for average rewards.  I have generally found my limitations by testing my limits much to both my benefit and detriment.  Maybe it’s my illogical curiosity of having to find out what I can achieve, even when it can result in a physical and mental dismantling.  I’ll offer few apologies though I probably owe more!

If my brain and body are working, they move quickly and in rapid-fire-mode until at the other end of the scale, where both need to shift to auto-pilot for maintenance until the next ride although these days, with a bit more regard for my welfare.  I mean I’m not as old as others think I should act, but not young enough to tackle everything I used to challenge – make sense?  I guess when a lifestyle takes you to the wrong end of extinction, you tend to tone things down a bit.

But I do want to impress upon you as my sons the following absolute until convinced otherwise.  I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING THAT YOU ENVISION YOURSELF DOING!  At your age, what some may perceive as your dreams is interpreted by me as YOUR GOALS if you do more than just want it bad enough!  As your father and someone who really understands your abilities and unique, individual makeups, I know that you are truly gifted enough to rise to your expectations.  I mean, what you have done to date has been remarkable by anyone’s measurement but you wouldn’t understand that thinking since you wouldn’t really accept anything less for the most part.  The hard part as you get older is not only to work for those dreams/goals but to capitalize on the opportunities that they give rise to without being deterred.  Again I believe in what you see yourself doing and because those visions are fairly grand, you can understand my concern as your Dad as you mature.

Here’s something I want you to take into account.  I never accept it when you say you “can’t” when I know that reasoning is based on something else.  Conversely, I rarely tell you that you “can’t” do something that you want to achieve because first, I believe you can and second, I know you well and long enough to convince me that you will!  I certainly won’t be the one to stop you in that regard and furthermore, I’ll support you throughout it until the end.  I know how I’m wired so through nature or nurture, there’s not much satisfaction in just getting close unless you know you’ve gone as far as you can go!

Now when it comes to things I say you “shouldn’t” do, please don’t boor me with your initial defensive mechanisms and confuse it with telling you what to do.  Let’s be clear: if I really wanted to stop you from doing something at this stage of the game, I would, without hesitation or debate.  Certain things are meant to be tests of your intelligence, common sense, and character while other things I figure you’ll have to learn on your own or alternatively if things work out, realize that I just underestimated you.  As someone older and through my own life, I have a lot more experience, information, and wisdom to calculate the probability of certain results should you disregard my advice.  If it’s hard to accept because I’m your “Dad always telling you what to do”, try to separate the message from the messenger.  Have I ever mentioned THAT I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO and at this juncture, I’M SMARTER THAN YOU ARE but I’m hoping as you get older, that gap closes sooner than later.  I’ve got a lot to offer you two so it’s up to you on how to use it.  I’m fairly secure in those absolutes either way so might as well use me while the brains still firing.

I have a certain amount of distaste for those who continue to tell you to be “realistic” about the achievement of your loftiest goals.  Frankly, they piss me off and serve little constructive purpose other than exposing more about their limits and standards, than recognizing yours.

I was just talking to Christian about how people constantly throw around statistics about the small percentage who actually reach their goals in baseball.  As expected, C said he doesn’t see why that small percentage shouldn’t include him – so proud of that observation.  From our countless discussions in and out of the car coupled with the way he plays, I know he is absolutely convinced that he’ll do it.  Funny but after watching him play, seeing how hard he works, how passionate he is and committed to his love of the game, I’m convinced too!  I know it’s easy to say that he’s young and doesn’t have the same amount of distractions to deter him but now is not the time to question his future but only to support his belief in it.

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And Jason, I told you the other morning that I believe you can accomplish anything you see yourself doing in baseball.  That’s why I want you to see yourself at not just a college who wants you but one YOU want that will help you go as far as you can.  I’ve watched you less as a father sometimes and more as an objective observer and let me make this clear – YOU AND C ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO RISE TO WHATEVER BASEBALL LEVEL YOU WANT TO PLAY!  Now, that is not to say you will but you have the attributes and the determining factors will come from choosing well and acting on or creating the right opportunities.  You’ve worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get where you are and that will always continue if you wish to prevail over others with the same dreams.

I will ask the obvious questions that you and C will always have to answer on your own:  how much are you willing to sacrifice for your dreams, and how far will you let yourselves be led astray by others before you risk losing them?  Those are f’ing hard decisions to make when the circumstance are more complicated and people demand more for themselves rather than for you.  It’s your choice, your results, you own it, and no excuses!  Remember this: few successful people were ever described as “one of the crowd” or a “follower” while growing up.  Leaders are the guys who dictate the circumstances and not dictated by others’ situations.

Here’s the bottom line:  I’ve watched you guys in camps and games and you boys standout because of your ability, your impact, your personality and your leadership. You have IT as far as what it takes to succeed.  Don’t “F” it up!

Here is one final thing. “The people who influence you are the people who believe in you” so don’t unnecessarily disappoint them, especially me because it would have been nice to have had that kind of support growing up that you do now.  No pity party – just why I needed to be such an extremist along the way and I have very few regrets.

My Mother’s Wish For All Moms

08 Sunday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Gratitude, Reflection

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Family, Happiness, Life, Peace, Thanks

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5/8/16

“Mother” is the name for “God” on the lips and in the minds of all children. – The Crow.

You know it’s been 22 years since I’ve had anything resembling a moment like this with my mom in this picture from my college graduation, and destiny didn’t permit her to live long enough to make it to my law school graduation – yes as I’ve written before, I still f’ing hate cancer!

With that said and as I sit here on this day, I still sense her permeating through the best of everything that I, Deb, and my sons do on a daily basis in our thoughts, actions, and words, along with what we accomplish in life for ourselves, and by extension how we treat others on the smallest to even grander scales.  So how can I be sad on this day because from all that, she has never really left me alone here; and most importantly, she would not allow it as “Mama Dico”.

On her behalf, I wish for all moms out there on this special day that they have a Happy Mothers Day!

Joe Dico

Somewhere We Get To Escape – Thoughts To My sons

06 Friday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Baseball Equals Life, Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Reflection

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Happiness, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Motivation, Peace, Sharing

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(Photo Contributed By Jason Dicochea – created a long time ago)

4/23/16
“The little things?  The little moments?  They aren’t little.” -John Zabat-Zinn

You know, I think God created baseball for me, you guys, and even Mom, to escape the distractions outside of the ballpark for a few hours.  Maybe it’s hard to see and understand at this early stage of your lives what a gift you have been provided but it’s certainly not lost on me as your father and a crazy disciple of this sport because of  what it has taught and revealed to me throughout my life and now yours through what I share and that which you learn on your own.

All I ask (and maybe demand) is that you honor His gift by focusing and putting on display all He has blessed you with along with all the love, spirituality, and work you’ve put into this game.   And while you are doing so, remember to slow down at the appropriate time to absorb this privilege and feel how blessed you are to be where you are at, who is with you, and who brought you there.   It’s the best place to be at that moment regardless of what is swirling around in the outside world, and it’s existentially almost like being on your own planet in the universe when it feels absolutely right.

It’s imperative that you never take it for granted which by watching you, I am fairly certain that you won’t.  Play HUGE each day you are on a ball field with passion and conviction because that is who you are – Jason and Christian f’ing Dicochea!!!!  And you know what, you can be certain that Mom and I get a kick about the fact that this is exactly who you are, get to bear witness to it, and just take it all in from wherever we get to watch it from.

 

Dont Give Life To The Past – Message To My Sons

03 Tuesday May 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Inspiration, Life, Motivation, Self-Help, The Journey

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(Originally posted 1/15 and modified for today)

7/4/14

“In life, the things that go wrong are often the very things that lead to other things going right.” – Arianna Huffington

Please for goodness sake, don’t try to give light to the past because it is no longer a living entity that has the power to exhurt the amount of control that so many frequently allow it to exercise.  We can’t resurrect or return to wasted opportunities since they come with no guarantees.  We can only attend their funeral but can’t exhaust ourselves at their tombstones because we can’t raise what’s gone and the remainder of our days continually move ahead.

We have to move forward while learning from the decisions we’ve made and especially those we failed to make on our path to the present.  It starts with the natural first step in the proper direction sprinkled with hope and self-assurance for what we can visualize.

The earth spins on an axis but people are not meant to.  Moving continually to the right or left leads us to drifting in circles and back to where we started from with no progress.  We need to walk on or near our center and if unsure, trust our instincts.  Don’t feel betrayed because you can’t see your destination because there will be multiple signs of simple basic elegance that will confirm that we are on the right path.

A simple starting point in recognizing opportunities that we are better served to take advantage of:  Give a smile or hug to those who need them.  Say “I love you” or give a kiss to those who deserve them.  Laugh or shed a tear without embarrassment if you are genuinely moved.  Pay attention to what others may need from you, if only for a moment, when the situation requires you to do so because you can provide light to guide someone from their own darkness.

Put this into practice and I believe that less will pass unnoticed and more importantly, you will react accordingly and leave your imprint on the past and present, and then close in on your chosen destination!

And with that said by your father, also keep this in mind moving forward from today:  “Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” – Victoria Holt

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