Monthly Archives: October 2016

Looking Back On The Year – Message To My Family

28 Friday Oct 2016

Posted by in Confessional, Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Hope, Kindness, Looking forward, Reflection

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(In a continuum of yesterday’s post, three years ago today I was admitted into the ICU with significant brain trauma and a large brain bleed, barely surviving with a brain and body in tatters with questions about the direction of my remaining existence.  A year later, I wrote this to my family.  What a difference a year made.)

10/29/14

“Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future.” – Euripides

This is kind of extreme in translation but the message should resonate for those of any age.  Any of us who can measure the progress of today is still young enough to make the simplest and greatest changes that will benefit not only that day but expand our hopes for the next ones.

Prime example:  one year ago today, I went down literally and figuratively from a life threatening, and ultimately life changing, injury with little more than a still beating heart to measure from that day forward. It was not a noble or enviable position to be in at 51 “years young”, But I had several choices.  The first was to say “enough is enough” and what I’d done up to that point had been all I was ever going to do.  Another was to say that I’ve had “enough of it all” and just leave it to God and “fate” to sort it out.  Or maybe keep praying to God, asking Him to solve everything with little or no input of my own.  Finally, I said I had “enough of this” and instead of praying to God, I became a “god” of all my dreams and did more than enough to make most of them come true and working on newer ones created every day!

Just because you fail to recognize the start of a moment of life’s simple elegance does not preclude you from joining and being part of it.  As a result that moment becomes a part of you, shaped by your own unique contributions.  We cannot predict or measure the worth of any situation unless we join it at any time and the value of our return is reflected by the amount of our involvement.

My personal journey has been improved by doing many things but the simplest are as follows.  Never betray my existence by ignoring the obvious beauty in my everyday life.  Never ignore the opportunity to acknowledge the obvious and subtle offerings of those that are parts of my life, even if they are part of it momentarily.  Share the best part of me even when I may not be feeling the best about myself because it gets me closer to where I want and need to be.  I understand that what I have is really more than what I need and that what I have within me is enough to obtain what I’m entitled to.

Finally, good things still happen to “bad” people.  Also bad things eventually happen to all people (good or bad) without rhyme, reason, sequence, or continuity.  If karma exists, then get to it first instead of letting it find you.  Young or old, please accept what I’ve discovered – everyday I’ve been on this planet I’ve been living so many dreams and every dream that faded in the past is because I didn’t do enough to keep them alive.  For every day I’m alive now, I’m still creating additional dreams which cannot be extinguished without anything less than all I can do to make them come true as well as keep alive the ones that have been fulfilled for the sake of myself and those around me.

I thank God for:  allowing me to rediscover who I am during the last year to get to where I needed to be, who you guys are for meaning so much to me, and that looking up from the bottom actually was where I needed to be to see how high I could climb.

Thank you!

Joe Dico

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What I’ve Learned – Thoughts To My Family

27 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Confessional, Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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(3 years ago today, I fell and almost crushed my skull into pieces and almost ended what little life I still had left in me.  So began the journey!  I wrote this 10 months into my recovery with revelations so unexpected.)

8/14/14

“At the heart of each of us, whatever our imperfections, there exists a silent pulse of perfect rhythm, which is absolutely individual and unique, and yet which connects us to everything else.”

I love this quote for a number of reasons which I’ll try to explain. When I was younger, I often chose to swim upstream because I wanted to appear unique and not a follower. A lot of times that just left me too exhausted to catch up with those swimming in the right direction. Sometimes I chose to suffer for bruises to my ego because it seemed dramatic while neglecting those in serious pain. I battled needlessly against perceived enemies only to find that they were actually my allies who were trying to protect me. I stopped too often to applaud my accomplishments and forgot to applaud those who fueled my efforts and sometimes had to carry me there.

I’m older now and fresh off a life threatening and life altering injury. I had to relearn reading, math, writing, walking, and even the names of people and things. Not a huge problem because with the proper effort, these skills generally returned. I also had to reconnect with not only who I am and once that process began, people and things around me. In a sense I was a figurative infant who was acutely aware of my surroundings, what was existing around me, and how it started to connect with my own daily existence while I grew up again.

Now when I swim upstream, it’s because I will not succumb to going in the direction that challenges my basic belief structure. When I suffer, it’s usually for those who are seriously in physical and emotional pain. When I first began therapy, I saw young individuals who were recovering from having part of their skulls removed for weeks to relieve pressure from a brain bleed and it was chilling to realize I was not far removed from that happening to me. When I battle, it is generally for something or someone and the only time I’ve battled against anyone has been against doctors or those who said I probably couldn’t do something when they hadn’t even seen me try. I share accomplishments with not only those closest to me but also by trying to stay upbeat thereafter, even to strangers, because why should I make someone else’s day worse while I have been so fortunate.

I’ve also found that even though those closest to me still drive me crazy, they still keep me driven. Also loving your fellow man does not mean feeling the same passion you have for your spouse or partner. It means being aware that we share the same planet and that when our paths cross, we shouldn’t instinctively step aside but acknowledge their presence and that all of humanity is improved with our own human interaction. Sometimes we may feel lonely but we should be comforted that we are never alone. Realizing all this makes me question the diagnosis of brain injury when I’ve learned so much!

Reaching Your “Greatest” Goals – Thoughts For My Children

23 Sunday Oct 2016

Posted by in Baseball Equals Life, Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Sports Equals Life

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4/18/15

“One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.” -Michael Korda

You know, it seems that to be considered “great” at anything, you have to first be recognized consistently as being “good” or even “exceptional” under almost any circumstances and not just the ones where the attention is magnified.  I say that because when the competition may be less than challenging, it’s easy to forget that you are still held accountable to your own standards and expectations.  Using the philosophy of “playing down to the competition” hinges on the unreasonable belief that the quality of your performance can be automatically adjusted as you see fit or as it can be dictated – it can’t!

It’s rather preposterous how overused the term “great” is applied to so many things that are essentially really just “above-average”.  From a baseball perspective, one or a couple of “great” at-bats does not include a player in the pantheon of “great” hitters.  One “great” pitch, sequence of pitches, or inning does not qualify one as being a “great” pitcher.  One “great” defensive play does not make a position-player a fielding wizard. I’m  still not sure where the threshold begins but I’m certain it takes a larger body of work than that!

Let’s assume there is “greatness” in the individual work ethic and determination that gives rise to the confidence to enter into the arenas that present the opportunities for your performance to be measured against others.  It’s a “great” start but who sees that and how many casual observers care.  Sometimes that can be frustrating when very few, if any, understand what has to be channeled into the preparation prior to the performance, especially if it’s not as favorable as “assumed” it should have been but the result ultimately is a subject for your analysis, not theirs!

Poor hitting cycles can just be a product of chance and misfortune but the controllable basis can easily boil down to the times you begin to relax or depart, even momentarily, from the mental and physical schemes and systems that are designed to make you successful.  Talent is only “potential” unless produced consistently on every occasion and it is questioned more so when it’s not exercised against lesser opponents than outstanding ones and can raise doubt internally and externally about what will occur against the latter!

I heard this quote from Hector Santiago after his last game where he finally put things together against the Rangers after a season of “talent” and “potential” produced few results reflecting the same.  He realized that he was thinking too much and was forgetting to “stay in his lane”.  Remember the phrase, “don’t take yourself out of your game”?  It’s the same thing and it is entirely within your control.  To me, it seems that when you work hard to legitimize the quality of what can be accomplished, the work needs to continue until it’s finally achieved and not left to “assumption” or “likelihood”.

So now back to being considered “great” or something relative to that quality and who will be making those determinations as it relates to you.  It’s likely that individuals who may have some effect on where you’ll play in the future could be observers at those “big” games searching out prospective “talent” for their programs.  I suppose it makes sense and in law we call those predictions reliant upon “reasonable degrees of probability” based on various factors.

But here’s where so many get confused and tend to lapse into mundane or average efforts assuming that the detrimental impact will be negligible because they disregard the following absolutism; that the “accidental degrees of possibilities” still occur and they matter just as much as those probabilities that were expected and irrespectively had the same impact!  So even though it can be predicted (which it shouldn’t) that you’ll put some games in certain convenient categories, do not fall into the trap that you can ease from working on playing “great” because you don’t know who “accidentally” will be watching, who they may “intentionally” share it with, and how that description will follow you.

I sent this quote to you before but I’ll include it as a reminder:  “Goals give you more than a reason to get up in the morning; they are an incentive to keep you going all day.  Goals tend to tap the deeper resources and draw the best out of life.”  And for the approximately two hours that you are required to extend nothing but the greatest of your mental and physical efforts regardless of the situation, you cannot allow yourself to stray outside of your lane because first, you risk any personal satisfaction depending on the result and second, you don’t know who may be watching that just might matter and will form the impression that you are not as “great” as I know you can be!  Don’t let that happen or leave it to probabilities since talent doesn’t always trump chance or blind luck, depending how much room you give it!!!

Music Continues To Save My Life! (A Bit Long But It Just Might Bring A Smile)

12 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Gratitude, Hope, Kindness, Reflection

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(Original Message Posted 2/15 – It Has Meaning Beyond Description For Me)

11/24/14

“Music enters our bodies, commandeering the pulse in our veins, and reminds us that pleasure isn’t a matter of feeling good but of feeling more alive.”

To be honest, music has continually saved my life!  It has a lot to do with my upbringing and how important it was to my family and I guess the Hispanic culture.  This is even more true in the last year although not in a literal or dramatic way (okay maybe at certain times) but it has given me direction and power in how to live better.  All that I imagine, whether it be in the past or even well into the future, music and song mystically has transported me so they seem real if even for a moment.  It reminds me of who, what, and where I was and in many ways, hope to be.  More importantly, it has taught me how to expand relationships that exist in my present whether they be longstanding ones, or those of shorter or temporary duration.

Simple story but with a huge meaningful impact on me:  When I first got out of the hospital fresh with anger, frustration, and dealing with a reality I was unwilling to accept, I began intense therapy.  It included the involvement of this kind, unassuming speech therapist whose job was to help me regain and improve my memory and cognitive skills which were pretty basic at the time.  Part of her approach was to play old songs and see if I could recall the words and names of the artists.  To illustrate how limited I was, I could not recall the name of one of my favorite bands which should have been easy since it involved one letter and one number – U2.  Funny now but it took me a week to finally remember their name.

Early on she shared with me how much she liked the band “Bread” because it reminded her of some of the best times of her life which was a few years beyond my 51 years.  I actually was a fan of theirs after my uncle introduced them to me when I was younger.  The words in their songs about love and heartache stuck with me throughout my later years so in a very random act of kindness (at least for me at the time), I downloaded 6-7 songs to take with me to my next session.  Maybe it was in part to distract from the actual therapy that was frustrating or something to make me feel “human” again by doing something for someone who shared that she was struggling with some personal issues.

Anyways as she started therapy the next day, I stopped and surprised her with the songs I downloaded and tears immediately formed in her eyes and I watched as her thoughts were transported back to a more uncomplicated time with memories that gave life to her at that moment.  We spent the whole hour listening to each song (sometimes twice) and sang the words together.  Amazingly, I remembered the lyrics and recalled times I personally associated with them even though I struggled recalling basic other things, words, names, memories, etc., that should have come easier.  Her face as she looked off in the distance at a meaningful part of her past is carried deeply within me to this day and that event began the redirection of my journey.

The moral of this part of my story!  When I was at one of the shittiest periods of my life, I stopped being “f’ing” consumed with what was happening to me!  I found by doing something so simple for someone who really needed it was the most therapeutic part of those first three difficult months.  It made me forget about where I was and I began to be more aware of who was around me and where they might be in THEIR lives.  It gave me hope in my medical recovery because I found there were things still stored in my damaged brain that could be unlocked.  More importantly, I found hope in my heart about what I could achieve on a daily basis through kindness to others if I just took a risk and reached out to them.  In that regard, I don’t ever take a lazy step when more can be accomplished by not resting and stepping quicker.  That moment with her made me accept my situation as more than a recovery.  It became a rediscovery of the best part of who I was and a discovery of who I could and should be.  I’ve said it before that this injury and thereafter has been, in many ways, one of the best things that’s happened to me when at first, it seemed like the worst!

So music has been one of the most instrumental parts of my life because it connects me with every part of my existence.  It has allowed me to explore my strengths, courage, beliefs, passion, emotions, imagination, flaws, vulnerabilities, and insecurities.  It has shaped my heart each time I’ve shared it, tortured and repaired it when it was broken, and redefines it in the words that strike true to me with each song I hear.

I was told about love when I was young but truly felt it its connection with music and continually define it by the words captured in them.  My soul is controlled, carried, and soars towards every place I want to be, and distance from those places I want to escape.  My days are energized and inspired throughout each day with music, and the nights end comforted and at peace after every conquest and defeat.

I was taught about God through Catholic school and church.  However I didn’t fully understand and feel his presence until I incorporated the songs and music created by mortals into my world.  Maybe that’s why almost all religions and cultures express joy, sorrow, success, failure, appreciation, remorse, beauty, love, and unfortunately violence through the emotions and messages contained in music and expressed further through words and dance (no matter how comedic the moves may appear by the “rhythmically challenged”).

So if you see me singing out of tune and undulating like I’m having another seizure, do not be concerned (you should see and hear Deb, Jason, and Christian).  Just part of my recovery and allowing the magic of the music cure me and continue to save me.  If I see you doing the same, I won’t criticize you because I understand and will just smile to myself and then go back to my own songs.

Oh in case you’re wondering, I’ve been listening to Anita Baker pretty much this whole time.

PS. “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”

Our Greatest Gifts to Share – Advice to My Boys

01 Saturday Oct 2016

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(Original Posted 4/15)

9/4/14

“Generosity lies less in giving much than in giving at the right moment.”

I guess with the multitude of holidays and pseudo-holidays, we tend to schedule our obligatory generosity around the day of the month or time of year.  I guess this fulfills our sense of duty to those we choose to reward in our circle in exchange for their rewarding us in some manner based on relation, title, and/or simple obligation that is sometimes freckled with guilt.

I’m in no way critical of the intent because certain times of the year deserve recognition and reflection and hopefully support our resolution to be kind, loving, generous, etc.  I wish we would stay primarily focused on the importance of our actions and not on dollar amounts of what we give and receive.

What is important is to be thankful of what we have, who we have, and why we have, and remember those who may have less and on this planet, there are countless within that category.

Our schedules frequently are at a fever pitch requiring us to focus on where we need to be and what we need to do once we get there – got it and understand!  We are sometimes consumed with where we are not and who is not in front of us – I get it since this is the world we live in with expansion of the territory of our professional and social boundaries.  Just help me understand how we tend to create more distance between us and those right in front of us by the attention given to the next test or email we write and the time waiting for a response in return.

Do you realize how insignificant you can make someone feel when you are so intertwined with something less significant shared through an inanimate object that they have to repeat themselves several times just to acquire your recognition.  The ultimate complication occurs when the moment and something of importance related to it is forever lost.  The more tragic result is that those people eventually don’t even consider you as an outlet to share things that may upgrade the quality of your life or theirs.

You may think I’m indirectly referring to myself but surprisingly I’m not.  By virtue of the fact that I’m sharing this writing with you, I have found my connection with you so that you can fit me into your schedule.  I see you enough that I can avoid those times that you fulfill the obligations demanded by your social media connections.  I’ve found ways to satisfy my need for actual human interaction through alternative outlets beyond this household through most opportunities I encounter during my day.  Hence my needs for individual communication are pretty much satisfied before you get home so that I can give you the time you need for the demands that continue from work, school, friends, girlfriend, parents, etc.  It’s funny but sometimes my favorite place is simply where I am because of its lack of complication and complexity.

Look and accept this as true:  One of our greatest gifts is who we are and how we decide to exchange it with those around us!  I’m lucky enough to understand and appreciate the quality of each of you on a daily basis.  My hope is that you take the time to open your eyes to the faces in front of you for a sufficient amount of time to appreciate, acknowledge, and respond to them so that you bestow upon them the gift of YOU!  If not out of generosity, then try it out of simple courtesy.