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Monthly Archives: November 2016

Heaven or Something Like It – A Big Part Of My Story

26 Saturday Nov 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Confessional, Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Hope, Kindness, Looking forward, Reflection

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Inspiration, Joy, Life, Peace, Self-Help, Sharing, Thanks, The Journey

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11/26/14

“Live all you can – it’s a mistake not to.  It doesn’t so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life.  If you haven’t had that, what have you had?”

I pray that this message finds some meaning with you because it is very personal to me.

A week ago I had an interesting encounter with someone I casually met at the gym. Her name was Moe and she was sitting by the pool waiting for the child she babysat to finish his swimming lesson.  You know me – I can’t neglect a random opportunity to get to know even the most casual acquaintance out of courtesy and genuine interest.  She was a student at LBSU and shared with me some of the challenges she faced growing up with her family as well as on her own.  Not your “garden variety” upbringing so the discussion got deeper about what she’s in the process of learning based on her own experience, and the questions that remain through her lack of experience.

As higher education tends to do, it raised additional questions between what she was led to believe in her youth and what was being introduced by her professors.  It didn’t surprise me when she raised complex topics such as the meaning of life, our existence, life after death, Heaven and hell, etc.  You know, just those “routine” concepts without any satisfactory definition or precise answers.  I enjoy conversations where the youthful explore the depths of their intellect so this turned into an enlightening discussion for both of us.

So of course, why not ask the old guy sitting next to her about his general take on those issues that perplexed her.  I shared the story of my injury and a quick summary of my recovery along with things I’ve learned which immediately raised her level of interest in whatever insight I could provide.  I shared with her that I used to wonder in my youth whether our existence was just an expansion of the dreams of a higher being’s reality.  If so, would our life be extinguished when that being awoke?  Maybe the product of one too many “Twilight Zone” episodes, and a couple college philosophy and logic classes.  It made for an interesting topic during those mind expanding discussions with friends fueled with the proper amount of alcohol and “intellectual narcissism”.  Lord I miss the days when I thought I knew it all!

When it came to life after death, I told her as a Catholic and an optimist, I pretty much have no choice but to believe in it.  Besides, the concept of “nothingness” undermines my basic belief structure in right verses wrong and the eternal consequences of both.  Thus I believe that God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Virgin Mary exist regardless of whoever’s depiction of them, because I can’t accept that I’ve foolishly been praying all this time to a higher power that has never been!  However I did add that if it turns out that I’m wrong after I die and there is actually “nothing”, I’m going to be pretty pissed off.  I left her with this thought: on certain days I’m not sure that I didn’t die and go to Heaven because so many of my days following the accident have simply, for lack of a better term, felt “heavenly” so to some extent, I have seen slight glimpses into its existence.  The only way I’m reminded I’m not in Heaven is my annoyance with traffic, rude people, smart people doing stupid things, out-of-proportion ego and vanity, and “competitive suffering and martyrdom” without sufficient cause to support it.

Stay with me as I elaborate while steering in a slightly different direction as I get to my point.  When I was in high school, I read a book that was required reading called “Flowers for Algernon”.  It was later turned into a movie that my Mom introduced me to called “Charly”.  I think that movies were her way of getting life’s lessons across that she couldn’t articulate on her own.

Anyway, the story involved an adult man who worked as a janitor at a bakery.  He was mentally handicapped but was generally happy in his existence, unaware that he was frequently the butt of jokes by his co-workers and others around him.  He eventually underwent an experimental surgery that was successfully used on a mouse named Algernon, who became his initial competition in maze challenges.  Shortly thereafter, he rapidly developed an intellectual capacity that transformed him into a genius.  However as his cognitive skills grew, he was sorely unprepared for the complexities of relationships including personal, social, romantic, physical, etc. Processing problems with black and white solutions was easy while circumstances that fluctuated within gray areas proved more troublesome and distressful.

As he gradually began to be more comfortable in those arenas, he noticed that Algernon began to regress.  He began to understand that the results of the surgery were only temporary and that he would soon return to his former state.  However before that occurred, he devoted his remaining intellectual capabilities to assist in correcting the flaws in the surgery.  The final scene of the movie shows Charly, following his return to his mentally challenged state playing on a park swing, content and happy within a world of his own perception and free of life’s normal complexities.

In the introduction of the book, the following words of the philosopher Plato was included. “Anyone who has common sense will remember the bewilderments of the eye are of two kinds and arise from two sources: either from coming out of the light or from going into the light,…”

Getting close to the point!  I’m now a bit past a year that concluded a problematic point in my life leading to my injury, and began a self-evaluation and rediscovery of that life from the same injury. I’m in somewhat of a stalemate regarding which direction of the light I’m headed and bear with me as I explain.

Right now I continue to manage a peaceful and tranquil equilibrium in my existence albeit from a non-conventional approach.  I am satisfied in my current make-up and how I share and express the best parts of me.  Who can really say that these days?  And now, the conundrum and possible turmoil.

Am I going in the direction of a return to the organized chaos and potential obsession that being a lawyer can entail?  If so, what will be the response to the professional demands that require personal sacrifices that can lead to the disruption of my figurative general infrastructure.  I’m not as concerned with this possibility because I feel that what I’ve discovered and accomplished is too valuable to give up and there’s always the hope of exploring alternative outlets with different fundamental goals.

Now to the “Charly” story and it’s relation to my private, solitary concerns that occasionally find their way into my thoughts.  I’m going to wager that those closest to me who have witnessed my recovery, including my doctors, are somewhat astounded by its overall progress considering the challenges that initially needed to be overcome.  To be honest, so am I and not only from a medical standpoint.  It’s difficult to explain other than I’ve become more aware of the connection I can have with my surroundings and the people circling within them so that I truly engage in the art of living.

It sometimes feels too good to be true to the extent that I can’t escape the possibility that it may not continue.  I guess it’s triggered by:  each occasional dizzy spell; each time I’m lightheaded when I get up too fast; each time I struggle for words so that every day feels like I’m constantly solving a crossword puzzle; each name I can’t recall; each word I can’t spell; simple numbers I can’t add, subtract, multiply, or divide quickly or successfully; nondescript physical ailments; every dream/nightmare of unknown origin (hopefully just from medication); and, just general temporary breakdowns in cognition.

I mean are these just parts of my injury and recovery and/or age appropriate afflictions, and thus explainable?  Or more troubling, am I like “Charly” and seeing symptoms of a decline that may take me back to where I started last November?  Again, maybe it’s difficult to imagine something being too good to be true that it has to end sometime which is a frightening possibility because I truly love and cherish this life.  Then again, what’s to convince me that it’s not so maybe, I should not disturb my ongoing daily approach by worrying about it so much? Just in case, I’ll just avoid taking “lazy steps” in the event something’s trying to chase me down!

So the answer is to “live all I can because it’s a mistake not to” as suggested above.  I’ll continue to believe that there is a Heaven and with that belief, I’ll live the “hell out” of each day! And just to hedge my bets, I’ll find a piece of “Heaven” within myself, with others, and in the appreciation of life’s “basic, simple elegance” because in the 24 hours I have to experiment with, I’m sure I can create and find something.  And as part of that process, I’ll incorporate the following quote. “Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It’s good to be silly at the right moment.”

Thank you for your patience.  I just needed that and maybe you’ll take something from it too.

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What’s Ahead Of Christian – Message To My Youngest

23 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection, Sports Equals Life

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Accountability, Family, Guidance, Happiness, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Motivation, Peace, Sharing, Sports, The Journey

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C&Dad

I wrote the following about Christian almost exactly two years ago when he was thirteen years-old.  After being recruited by various schools and his decision to finally commit yesterday to play baseball  at the University of Washington when he graduates 3 years from now, it almost seems too profetic after I saw what was emerging from him way back when this dream seemed so far down the road!

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“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose … not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.”

Failure doesn’t occur until the moment you stop trying.  Even worse is if you never risk making any attempt or effort at all because it may damage what is only our ego and/or vanity – sadly that only means we’re too timid to test our courage and determination.  Such a mindset is the most tragic because it serves as a better measure of our character and future direction but then again, if there was never an attempt for success, there’s no failure to compare it to and I suppose there’s a false security in that for those who choose such an approach.

I guess for many people, there’s some safety and resulting comfort in never exploring beyond the limited aspirations they’ve set forth because there’s too much uncertainty in the unknown.  That’s probably a blissful and comfortable existence but for me, I just have an overwhelming desire to satisfy my curiosity, especially about things that challenge the fulfillment of what I want.

As I often do, I look back at everything good and bad that’s occurred in my life and the one essential part of the equation leading to the results of all those things has been one ingredient – ME.  Did you know in high school I only applied to one college, USC, and that was for a couple of reasons.  It’s the only place I wanted to go and, my family didn’t have a lot of money for me to fill out too many college applications.  My grades were decent but I’m pretty sure I was accepted because I wrote a “kick-ass” application letter about why they should accept me and as you know, they did.  However countering that, I also thought I’d be in love forever so that among other things canceled out my plans for USC at the time with the hope I would go there at a later time.  Interesting choice on my part at the time and we all know where that thought led me but then again, I would not have found Mom and I have no regrets about the alternative outcome.

I also wanted to go to law school and while there, I honestly wasn’t at the top of my class because I knew the real prize was the bar exam and balancing working full-time, a (very) active social life, and a girlfriend who would be my wife, stretched my resources rather thin during the four years I was there.  However after graduating, that’s when I shifted gears to study for the exam and passed it the first time around when 60-70% of others didn’t with some never passing even after multiple attempts.  To this day I’m not sure how that happened because as I’ve mentioned before, I found out that my father had terminal cancer the night before the exam began and it would have been understandable had I been too distracted to pass.  Maybe divine intervention since he passed a month afterwards or I was lucky but then again, I doubt it!

The next major goal occurred after Jason was born.  I was determined to invest in being a decent Dad while choosing a profession that challenges that intention so I looked for a job close to home, even though the best jobs were in LA and OC.  I didn’t know “squat” about South Bay law firms but sent about 20 letters and resumes to the most interesting ones and I guess based on the way it was written, my future boss called me and after what I assume was an impressive enough interview to BS my way into getting hired, got a job at one of the best firms in So Cal and later became a partner which is supposed to be every lawyers dream.  It was not as big of a deal after a while but at least I did it which few could say.  And I got to be a bigger part of not only Jason’s life but thankfully, yours!  Maybe I was lucky but doubt it!

Christian, we’re alike in so many ways and maybe it’s in large part due to the time we’ve spent together since my injury and there is no precise value that could measure how grateful I am about the moments that has led us to the relationship that we now share.  Some people are afraid to walk beyond what they can see because of fear of the unknown.  Me, I just have to know and then respond accordingly and i see you building your confidence each day that reflects a similar approach.

Some don’t want to run in bare feet on a gravel path towards the places they want to get to because they’re afraid of falling, the cuts and bruises they’ll suffer, the dirt, etc.  That’s just not a justifiable reason for me not to get there.  I carry the bloodstains and scratches like a badge of honor because it means I didn’t give up even though things weren’t as smooth as I hoped for and made me more confident about the next journey ahead.  I guess it’s just not within us to quit or sit still when there’s something that we feel is worth having.

It took a tortuous path that led to my injury but I guess it was just me testing a different kind of curiosity but so began a different journey that I mapped out.  Was everything as smooth as I hoped for – of course not but at least I didn’t just imagine what was out there because I had to find out.  I like obstacles because I enjoy the challenge of overcoming them, especially when I know the rarity of others being able to do it.  Even just falling short doesn’t feel as disappointing if I at least exhausted all I had for things to result the way they did and in the end, I took something from it.

What’s pretty cool is that even though I had varying amounts of support (sometimes not a lot compared to you), all of the above were accomplished because of ME and I needed no greater incentive than what I created and demanded.  Ownership of my life without excuses has made it easier to accept my shortcomings (along with accomplishments) without deflecting responsibility.

If something can’t be done, make sure that you are the one to determine what it is, with every avenue explored to make that determination.  Remember that those who say you can’t do something generally never had the courage or confidence to try themselves, or just stopped pushing themselves without realizing how close they were had they kept trying a few more times.  When you do it, they’ll probably say you were lucky but I doubt it since you’re already showing that you understand that there is little reason for doubt when it comes to YOU!

Maximizing Potential Greatness By Taking The Simplest Risks – Request To My Young Sons (a favorite)

17 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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Accountability, Family, Guidance, Happiness, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Motivation, Peace, Self-Help, Sharing, Sports, The Journey

 

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10/24/14

“The biggest risk is not taking any risk.  In a world that is changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking any risks.” – Mark Zuckerberg

There are two types of people I don’t understand.  The first are those that fail to do ANYTHING because they’re convinced that by doing SOMETHING, they risk the unli kelihood of the worst possible results regardless of the likelihood of the best possible outcomes.  Other than in extreme situations such as failing to get out of the path of a moving vehicle or unhealthy physical or emotional addictions, the odds are generally in your favor.  This is more so true during the evolution of your youth when time is more available to maximize the transference of dreams to reality if you exercise the proper amount of risks verses rewards application.

The second are those individuals that fail to do something because of the misguided belief that nothing will happen.  Really???  How will you ever know if you don’t risk something to gain something, and even in the remote chance that “nothing” happens, what have you really lost?  At least you’ll know, and more importantly you’ll find whether it was the quality of the effort that led to the lack of results. More importantly, you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised with the anticipated results and more magically amazed at what occurs beyond your expectations.  You are not experienced or know enough to measure how people and circumstances react by simply taking some form of action on your behalf which by the way is the one thing you can control.

The news gives us hourly examples of the violence, disease, hunger, and suffering that exists in our world and I am neither entertained or fascinated by it.  However I do generate a great deal of sympathy for those caught in the crosshairs of all of those tragedies and inspiration in those that overcome them.

I really have a great amount of sympathy for those who want to be “chicken little” and walk around predicting the sky is falling, or those who view weather changes as a precursor to the next “big” catastrophic event.  I’m sure it can be quite a solitary existence to walk through a pasture of negativity having only to show for their efforts the cow excrement on the bottom of their shoes after all those journeys.  What is more baffling is the morbid satisfaction they feel in the rare moments that their dire predictions come true.  Such a sad existence when you think of all the opportunities in life that are missed or ignored by this consistent way of thinking!  How right can they feel being wrong so much?  So, so sad!

Things happen for a reason but there are few good things that happen for no reason.  I cannot stand the phrase “it was meant to be” because it undervalues our contribution and production of the required efforts.  Moreover “fate” does not apply when it’s used to justify our poor choices and efforts or worse, our lack of decisiveness and action.

If you weren’t my children, I would at a maximum give you empathy but would avoid your admission into my world as it exists now.  However since you are my sons (you too Coley), my roots and experience won’t allow that!  My duty as your father and obligations to my parents’ name just won’t allow it though you needlessly and stubbornly test my patience and “unwavering” support.

So stop the mindless crap you’re doing and “get your mind right” to do the things that need to be done NOW!  You older boys are getting ready to go to college and join the workforce in some manner.  Do you think college recruiters, scouts, and future employers give a damn about how many friends, followers, and likes you have on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook unless it’s Mark Zuckerberg!  Every minute you spend texting people while not communicating with the people who can alter your future is one more minute lost and possibly replaced by someone else’s efforts.  Most of the things that you need to do only take a few minutes anyways so how hard is it to to invest in that time for something you’d love to have happen for you?!?!?

I’m older so maybe you might think I have a right (I don’t) to bitch and be negative about the dreams that weren’t fulfilled.  “F” no!  They just changed shape or were replaced by others that came true.  Why is the guy who tested life’s boundaries a year ago and had to battle through the most difficult challenges on his own having to yell at and preach to you?  I’d prefer not to scream because the message gets lost in the volume, and it upsets my own sense of harmony and rhythm.

Do not be swayed by those who defuse youthful optimism and positivity behind the costume of being “realistic”, “practical”, and “sensible” since it generally an attempt to mask their past shortcomings or lack of appreciation of the dreams you can achieve.

You are gifted but should not be waiting for “gifts”.  Rather you should be doing something to earn “rewards” from what you can achieve if you really do more than just want it.  Stop procrastinating and the “overthinking” about things you do not have the ability or knowledge to predict.  Just take a risk and “roll the dice”.  Trust me, the best things in this life happen not through accident, luck, or fate! Each thing you see for yourself can happen if YOU start by taking a step or two in that direction.  Your parents really get tired of pushing you and we really shouldn’t have to!  Multiply all your competitive juices and maximize potential greatness by taking the simplest risks.  Failure is not knowing had you just tried!

Part Of Me – By Jason Dicochea (2010)

07 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by jdicochea in Confessional, Gratitude, Reflection

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Family, Guidance, Inspiration, kindness, Life, Peace, Sharing, Thanks, The Journey

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(My son Jason wrote this poetic ode about my parents, who passed before he was born, in 8th grade and it’s indescribable meaning came up in a recent discussion about the day he surprised and astonished me with it, and our mutual love of the meaning and power within the written word.)

Part of Me

The two I never knew…

Stories and stories and stories

Of the grandparents I never knew

They passed before I was born

Yet throughout my life they have

Remained with me in different forms

——

They have held onto me like Velcro

Never letting me go

They have stayed inside me guiding

Me through my troubles

They are my Guardian Angels

——

The good person within me comes from them

If only, if only, I could have met her or him

Stories and pictures and stories can only

Help me love them from afar, but

Stories will not help me know who they truly are

——

They have watched me my whole life

From above, always peering over my shoulder

Waiting for life to knock me down

So they can be here to pick me up

——

They have come down from the heavens

Only a few times

So I can see Angel faces

That look so peaceful and kind

——

Sometimes I see them walking by me

They glide with such grace

As well as the most caring look on their face

When I peer into their long-lived eyes

I hear angels sing and feel a burning in my heart…

——

A burning so deep and strong

To meet them for just one minute

To hear my grandmother’s sweet voice

To shake hands with my grandfather

Who was a better man than I’ll ever be

——

I live my life hoping to make them proud

They are the voice inside my head

Helping me to do the right thing

I feel a connection when I wear his ring

——

Stories and stories and stories

Will never bring them back

But the stories just remind me that

They are always watching over my back

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