Monthly Archives: August 2016

Writing With Hope For My Boys’ Journey

30 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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3/27/15

“Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come.  Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past, which can bridge to the future.” – Mattie Stepanek

I was listening to an interview with a woman who worked for a cancer research foundation and she said two things that struck me as very impactful and meaningful, especially given my strong feelings about cancer.  First she was asked where she saw herself in five years and instantly responded “hopefully without a job”, with the hope that cancer treatment would evolve so her services were no longer necessary.  She knew it probably wasn’t going to happen but given the magnitude of her desire and conviction, her work continues to be driven towards such a lofty goal.  This planetary community needs idealists like her, Mom, my friend Marlena, and so many countless others who respond to not only the hardships surrounding the interpersonal world around them but, the global plights that affect all of our international counterparts.  Someone has to do it and serious problems need truly serious and committed believers!

Mom sent me this quote which I think sums up that mindset and really take your time to read it.  “Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” – G.K.Chesterton.  Again read it, let it sink in, digest it, and hopefully incorporate it into your way of thinking because at your age, there’s no way that you shouldn’t see yourselves as “dragon slayers” because maybe, just maybe, you don’t know enough yet that you should think otherwise!

The second thing she pointed out were the tragic destinations between cancer striking children versus those much older which seemed to have some validity in how she presented them. When cancer strikes individuals who are older (say around my age), they have the rest of their lives ahead of them.  I’m sure it’s not much comfort to them because either way, it still involves a lot of suffering to endure over whatever time lies ahead of them.

But when it come to those younger, she put it in a way that still makes tears well up in my eyes even as I write this.  I’m not sure she had a cutoff point in age in mind when she stated the following in a very simple yet potent manner that figuratively pushed me to my knees with prayers as sincere had they been uttered in Church before the Holy Trinity.  This is all she said:  when cancer strikes the young, the difference is that they still “have ALL of their lives ahead of them!”

As the father of two young sons, my adopted one Cole (who is intimately aware of cancer’s thievery), and so many other young individuals who I have or will have a connection with, I literally tremble of anything so tragic weighing against them.  Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t literally sacrifice “the rest of my life”, so that you could have “all of your lives” and don’t think Mom or Dee Dee (Cole’s mom) wouldn’t do the same beyond any sacrifices we’ve made to date for you guys!

So what’s the point “Daddy Dico”?  Well it’s not to bum you out over such a tragic topic but to slap some awareness into your beautiful and youthful existence!  You know I started writing all this stuff to you initially as part of my therapy and motivation as I recovered from my injury and also as a motivational tool for Jason last year during baseball, then eventually the rest of you for other reasons, and consequently countless others.

But after I’ve fairly recovered and could have stopped awhile ago, why do I continue to write when I don’t have to?  Because that is what I WANT to do for the “rest of my life” so that it hopefully helps you through “all of your lives”!

That’s my purpose for all of you for a few reasons.  First I almost didn’t have the rest of this life as I know it now to do it.  Second, I can’t help myself because I care so much about you and I would betray my role as your father not to give you as much information I have available in me as you try to sort out “all of your lives”.  Third by sharing in this way, it provides the best way to communicate whatever message I can share in hopefully a productive manner you can benefit from.  Fourth, I have a pretty good idea what I’m talking about it through my own body of work and if you don’t believe me now, my guess is you’ll find out in due time.  Finally, I’m freaking good at it!

So get this:  I don’t write as much for me but for you and hopefully for anyone who may be able to take something from it.  It’s not for any attention on myself but because I like people knowing they have my attention.  For vanity?  F’ no, because if I were illogically and disproportionally vain, I’d be seeking out hair transplants or toupees, Botox injections, but lifts, or drive a convertible Porsche.  Like Mom, Marlena, and others who seek to slay the dragons that penetrate the boundaries of the worlds of so many less fortunate, you boys are the cause I wish to champion whether it be giving you the weapons you need to battle your own dragons, or stand beside while you defeat them.  I suppose you could question the manner of my delivery but you could never doubt my sincerity or my intentions if you really were to think about them and who knows, maybe you have!

I’ll leave this with you as I drift into the rest of this beautiful day because this is the field of play I choose to attempt to excel in.  “No day is wasted in which I touch another person’s life in any positive, meaningful way.  And so it is that I enrich my days by giving something of myself whether through a warm smile, a kind word, a sympathetic ear, a gentle embrace, or a helping hand.” – David L. Weatherford.

Think about it and maybe you guys will choose it too?

Hoping What My Children Will Learn – Thoughts To My Boys

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Confessional, Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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With Jason starting college and Christian entering his sophomore year, looking back on this message seems more pertinent a year and a half after it was authored by what they’ve learned since that time and will learn in the days ahead.

2/25/15

“Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours.” — John Locke

I guess it makes sense to take seriously the guy whose philosophy essentially served as the foundation of the Declaration of Independence.

For most of us, it’s a bit humbling to find that all the knowledge imparted to us in school and from those more experienced during our youth actually has some application to so many of the situations that eventually confronted us.  More frustrating are the ones we ignored or forgot about before our wrong choices were made, or were revealed or accepted too late to change the unfortunate outcomes.

I know quite a bit of what I’ve written may seem like I’m speaking another language or outside of your understanding at this point.  It’s probably more true for Christian since he’s only thirteen and I use words that haven’t floated to the top for him to reel in yet.  But what’s cool is that Christian understands some of the basic messages I’m trying to get across (ten better reasons to be in a good mood than one to be in a bad one, feeling good about himself, etc) and we talk about them on occasion or more surprisingly, he repeats some of the phrases to remind me of where my thinking needs to rest.  It was cool when one day Jason told me he found himself, kind of reluctantly, using some of the things I’ve said or written to him in discussions with his girlfriend and friends for whatever intended benefit.  And then there’s Deb repeating my common phrase of “making things happen” as the motivation behind being more proactive when just thinking about things is not acceptable or beneficial.

Please understand that I get personal joy in sharing suggestions and recommendation to you boys and anyone who may benefit from them because it satisfies my desire for exploring the pivotal foundation of my intellect and it’s connection to the wealth of my soul.  There is certainly freedom in this exercise but it also allows me to bring to the forefront my strength, my flaws, and their coexistence with everything in between.

And for you guys, it’s more than an exercise because I’m sharing with you propositions on how you may make better choices for presumably, a better life for you and who you share it with.  I’m not trying to be a profit or a preacher because if perceived as either, you’d find me more annoying by seeing me telling you what to do when I’m only suggesting a better and more profound way of doing things.  I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on the times I’ve been a “fool” and a “genius” and now know the difference through what I’ve learned through my own reflections and recall of what I was taught from so many people who cared enough to give a “damn” about me!  For me in a way, it’s just payback time for people I more than give a “damn” about and that includes an abundance of people I know or come across that I care about including you!

There is a freedom in being open-minded to any source of knowledge that you acquire and exercise it independently of your own accord.  That is how you can successfully “swing for the fences” for the best things that YOU want for yourselves, and not succumb to the momentary needs of others that only get you to the “warning track” of those goals.  Your parents and family are right there with you, no matter how you interpret it, because we’ve know you better and longer.  Moreover you are part of the trademarks that we will leave behind on this universe once our mortal guidance comes to a close.

Also don’t eliminate the importance of the information your teachers attempt to provide because there will come a day when out of the blue, something they got across will find relevance during your future travels.  Remember that they are underpaid but still have the passion to wake up each morning and walk into a classroom of teenagers, (who sometimes foolishly think they more than they do) and share knowledge because they give a “damn” about you individually, as a group, and as a community.  Challenge your freedom to learn and if brave enough, question that knowledge if you don’t understand or disagree with it because it leads to the magical transition to enlightenment.  Trust me it’s a better approach than after-the-fact reflection because that generally requires misfortune to reveal it.

I think it’s funny that when we’re younger, we frequently ignore or neglect the knowledge available to us because we think more than we do.  When we’re older, we do the same due to the stubborn belief that we’ve learned and know more than enough so that application of further knowledge is unnecessary or unwarranted.  We’re so wrong and can be such narcissistic mortals at times, can’t we?

Revelations to our predetermined mindset occur every day and we are better served to at least be open to meaningful consideration of any information before dismissing their usefulness.  In most situations we know enough to get by and others, the door is open for something to introduce itself.  Whether it’s subtle or directly in front of our eyes for contemplation, that can take us farther and maybe alter the change of OUR WORLDS towards the majestic!  Remember accepting the necessity of change doesn’t require great wisdom, just simple recognition that as humans, we are not perfect and sometimes we find that we didn’t know as much as we felt we did.

When I started writing a year ago, Jason was my inspiration and outlet – I’m not kidding.  I was trying to find the motivation to improve my particular situation and motivate him through early baseball struggles.  Any phrase, quote, story, memory, etc., became the launching bad to attempt to inspire us and the simplicity of my early texts became more elaborate as my brain repaired itself over time.

I discovered that so much of what I was taught, witnessed, read, learned, etc, from whatever recent or remote source had come full circle to be shared with J and then others.  From such simple exchanges with my son, I found greater joy in sharing with others genuine kindness, optimism, hope, gratitude, etc, through words, acts, expressions, and a basic love of simple things so that I could love more.  I’m not saying everything I’ve learned was correct and what was correct has been applied perfectly.  I’m just saying I learned to take them for more than what I previously thought and leaned to interpret them more positively as I moved only ahead.

So for my boys, I challenge you to read some of the things I wrote early on and see if they have more meaning, now that we are all older.  Also read and listen more closely to words, phrases, songs, movie scenes, class lessons, or just about anything that triggers an internal response from you.  Give them the credence that they warrant because if it generates a response, you might find information that can have greater meaning which could be applied that might change YOUR WORLD sooner rather than later.  Just a suggestion from someone who knows better!

Staying Grounded Through Looking Back – What Refinding This Life Meant

14 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by in Confessional, Finding Happiness, Gratitude, Hope, Kindness, Looking forward, Reflection

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(Photo Contributed By Marlena Groomer)

1/12/15

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”

Please indulge me (as you always do) because this quotation made me smile because of its significance.  I think the message might be worthwhile.

When I think back to the first months after my injury, a scene from the movie “Breaking Away” comes to mind.  The father after surviving a heart attack is reminded at home that he should feel lucky to be alive.  His cynical response was “lucky to be alive? I feel lucky I’m not dead! There’s a difference”.

That’s how I felt after I got home.  Not much was really that good.  I was physically dismantled with a battered face, a damaged brain, frequent headaches, a fractured rib, neck stiffness, and bilateral shoulder, arm, leg, and joint pain that just taunted me throughout every hour.  There was a lot of neurologic damage to parts of my brain that controlled so many different functions that manifested itself in so many areas such as balance, walking, dizziness, watering of the eyes, nose drips, stomach issues, etc.  Oh and of course the lack of a normal functioning brain.  Other than a beating heart and the basic ability to perform the simplistic activities of daily living, it seemed like there was more wrong with me than right.  I say this not for dramatic effect and sympathy but just to have it written somewhere to remind me if what an f’ing mess I was and just in case I get too cocky.

I felt humiliated to need rides to the therapy that I was “ordered” to undergo and hated to ask for someone to drive me anywhere else.  Thank God Jason had his permit because he was able to sharpen his driving skills while being my reluctant chauffeur.  That was a struggle of my patience because no matter what he maintains, he was a crappy new driver and when you’re worried about any further impacts to your head, you get a little testy when people take chances while I’m in the car.  Still, he hardly complained about it and it was nice to have time with my oldest son.

The benefit was that because of my need to feel independent, I started walking to nearby places although initially, they really didn’t feel so close.  Losing about 15-20 pounds and being fairly weak, every slight incline caused my legs and joints to burn and it felt my heart was going to burst.  Every downhill slants were fraught with balancing my steps because of the fear of falling again and having more severe trauma that would send me to an early grave or worse, a lifetime in a hospital with no cognitive abilities.  “One foot in the front of the other” was no longer a cliche but a requirement for further survival and progress.  Still I slowly began to walk farther, stronger, and more alert, to the extent that I was able to walk farther and then run.  I still remember the amazing solitary sense of achievement when I was able to walk/run to the gym and back on my own and I’m sad that being able to drive again took away that incentive!  Again this has nothing to do with dramatic effect or acknowledgement.  It’s just a reminder so I don’t get cocky and keep me grounded.

Being left home alone initially was not recommended by my doctors because of the chance of further seizures and taking naps to regain strength didn’t have the same assurance of waking up from them.  Still that’s where my rebellious nature won out because I refused to have a housemaid.  If I was going to check out eternally, it was going to be on my own terms so I demanded a level of control to work within my limitations and push through those barriers that limited me.  If I was at my worst because of my own doing, I was going to approach my life’s revival on my own because I really still thought I shine best on my own.  That approach seemed more practical anyways because I kept hearing what I couldn’t do more frequently than what I believed I could achieve.  It worried Deb a bit but I compromised by setting up a schedule where I’d text her at pre-determined times to let her know I was okay.  Funny but I recall I was more diligent in that agreement than she was, but the poor girl had enough on her mind managing work, the kids, and the medical demands of a disabled (hate that term) husband so she gets a pass since nothing bad happened and everything turned out pretty well.  I’m no longer the burden (other than personality) and became quite the contributor after awhile.

Okay that’s the not-so-brief synopsis to get to some sort of point.  I’ve come a long way and doing fairly remarkable by just about anyone’s standards except maybe mine at times but that’s worked out well for me up to this point.  Most of the initial problems have resolved and I’m still working on the rest.  I’m not sure how much of the residual issues have gotten improved, compared to how much I’ve learned to accept them as part of my routine.  I really would like to throw a baseball again with my sons but still working on that.

The one thing I can’t shake are the indiscriminate dreams and/or nightmares I have almost every night that are either a product of the brain injury, seizure, medication or a combination of all of three.  At first, they were intense, dramatic, and terrifying because they capitalized on my fears, insecurities, and frustration.  Through time, I was able to modify my thinking before I went to sleep so that I could somewhat control them to the extent they became a source of entertainment.  However they’ve come back again with similarly intensity but maybe not the same viciousness.  They have little origin, sequence, or pattern, and the starring roles are filled by myself with the supporting players made up of the “usual suspects”, people I haven’t thought of in decades, and generic strangers.  I can’t really control them anymore and even with the weening of the meds, they still continue without much control on my part.  This nightly routine can still be entertaining as heck but it kind of screws up my sleep patterns as one could imagine.  Still, something good has come out of it.

I wake up early before the sun rises to start my day.  I go to the local Circle-k to get my morning caffeine and make my presence known with the employees much to their amusement or annoyance – I don’t care since if I’m up, they’re going to earn their salary when I’m around.  I like it when I’m up before the sun comes over the eastern horizon because I know I’ve got an earlier start than that universal orb did.  The morning has a different sound when I’m alert, although the rest of the family may not be, and aware of the organized chaos.  It’s remarkable to bear witness to the first part of their day with a great deal more hope for them than they’re aware but this is part of my routine, not theirs.  By the time they leave, that’s almost a three hour advantage that I used to ignore.

And the rest of the day?  I have so much room to screw up or take for granted in the remaining hours (which I rarely do) and still correct it before the day ends.  I also have enough time to deal with physical and mental “imperfections” that I’m still trying to make “perfect”, and continue to silence the demons who once spoke way too loudly.  The gym is also part of my routine and not just for the workout and improvement of my health.  In those couple of hours, I share enough smiles, hugs, conversations, and interactions to carry me through any day.  I wish I could tell so many how much of an impact they have on me but again, it’s just my routine, not theirs.  Oh yeah, I get to explore my deeper intellect to write this “dribble”!

I crash as the day evaporates into nighttime but I don’t lose sleep over what I failed to do or absorb.  I figure there’s enough room for that with the upcoming distortion of my nightly brain activity.  Then again, I get to start the routine of the presentation of the sun through the darkness followed by introduction to the stars.  In some ways what I experience carries with it a measure of “controlled solitude” but from the end of 2013 to the present, my personal existence has depended on it, because there are still external distractions that need to be managed and demand my attention.  Besides I never feel I ever have to “suffer in silence”, since I’m better equipped to “persevere in silence” because there are so many outlets to capitalize on, especially when my day starts so early.

Last story and then a quote. Jason starts earlier than others for school because he has a class at 7 a.m.  One week I had to take him to school while his car was being fixed.  J’s not a morning person so I was quite surprised when he said, “Dad, you know why I like going to school early?  It’s because I get to listen to Anita Baker to start my day.”  I thought that was a remarkable mindset for my teenager and I know there’s hope for that boy yet!

And now here’s the quote.  “When the sun is shining I can do anything; no mountain is too high, no trouble too difficult to overcome.” — Wilma Rudolph.  For me I like it when I’m already awake to keep that sun company, even if it’s only the two of us.  Thanks for letting me share because someday I’m going to re-read this to stop me if I start getting too cocky and keep me grounded.

The Makings Of Our Dreams – Message To My Sons

02 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Finding Happiness, Hope, Looking forward, Reflection

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(The Wasington Monument From Top of Lincoln Memoria)

3/11/15

“Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.” –
Abraham Lincoln”

The conversion of dreams to reality begins simply with imagination, regardless how lofty it may seem to you it for that matter anyone else.  Here is how I see it – if we can create a dream for ourselves, then we have given birth to the idea that we can make it come true.  Imagination is the vessel that takes us from fantasy to the reality of different levels of accomplishments towards hopefully the final installment of the stories you continue to write.

If it hasn’t registered as often as it might because of your youth, please understand that you youngsters are living the dreams of your lifetime by virtue of the benefits afforded to you.  I’m not concerned how you view the unforeseen and largely repairable pratfalls that have introduced themselves to you along the way because there are those who struggle through more challenging obstacles without the support, guidance, and belief structure your parents provide.  Your parents fairly know how thankful you are (I think) through all the disagreements, stalemates, and tests of wills, because we have a pretty good idea that you are where you’re at because of the dreams we imagined for ourselves that began well before your birth.  Just given a shout out to the moms and pops because you have to keep in mind, we are still proofing and editing the verses, chapters, stories, and books that fill our own personal libraries.  Let me make it clear again:  I’ve had and am living a great life and the dreams I imagined, have fulfilled, and await conclusion have made my life a “dreamworld”, of sorts, beyond any problems that altered my path.

Now back to your dreams because that’s the point, right?  I understand the basic uncertainties surrounding “dreams”, “goals”, “ambitions” or whatever label you want to apply because I’m right there with you right now although, on different levels of specifications, identities, and impacts!  After reaching certain goals and discovery of information, I’m faced with moving on to the next destinations of my journey similar to you guys.  Heck, everyone is depending on the standards of living they envision and not personally being one for moderation, I still see a hell of a lot ahead of me as long as time permits.  Just the “Dicochea way” I suppose and I hope you boys use it wisely!

So hear you guys are and here I am.  We have basic ideas of the “why’s” and the “what” but then we get to the “how’s”, “when’s” and “where’s”, and then the decisions on not just the first steps but the more complicated ones afterwards.  All I can say is please don’t sit back and I beg you, “do something” for God’s sake and yours!  I talked with Mom recently expressing my aversion to delaying things thinking “things can wait” knowing there is no good reason for delay on matters that are important enough to take action.

You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again:  we don’t have all the time in the world and “forever” doesn’t last as long as it used to so there are no better reasons to act when our “dreams”are in play!  I like this quote because it encapsulates these sentiments.  “We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.” Max DePree

There are so many great things ahead of you along with what you envision for you with so few limitations to limit you in that quest for the excellence of your lives.  That somewhat “pisses” me off out of downright envy but that’s okay because I still have my own objectives.  Not only do you get to plan for the road ahead but you get to see what you’ve planned for will soon become parts of your history and legacy.  Remember that with each step, behind you is a wealth of support and guidance from your families whose faith will persist even when yours waivers.  Just an extension of OUR dreams, you know?

Embrace, appreciate, and love this part of your life and not for just the memories it may create but the ones it will create for you.  I’m a fan and look forward to every moment that I am on this planet to witness the greatness you can achieve on any scale and if there is a thereafter, I’ll be watching then too.

Just take the necessary steps to make your dreams come true and there is no reason to procrastinate if your senses reveal something needs and can be done NOW!  Don’t capitulate to uncertainty or confusion along the way as long as you really want to keep your dreams alive and you still believe in them.  I’ll end with this quote for your and my comprehension and motivation:  “You have to know what you want to get.  But when you know that, let it take you.  And if it seems to take you off the track, don’t hold back because perhaps that is instinctively where you want to be.” -Gertrude Stein.

Make sense?  It does to me.