Monthly Archives: April 2015

We Need To REALLY Look Out For One Another – Protecting Against Despair and Hopelessness

28 Tuesday Apr 2015

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3/1/15

“I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfix-able was totally fixable – except for having just jumped.”
— Ken Baldwin. Golden Gate Bridge jump survivor.

I want to clarify something if you don’t know or are too overconfident to admit it.  We are all vulnerable and are not invincible, impregnable, or indestructible when it comes to the “demons” that infiltrate our barriers.  That’s why it’s so important that we look out for one another!

I read Ken’s quote above and immediately thought of two things: the scene from “It’s a Wonderful Life” where Clarence the guardian angel saved George Bailey from jumping off the bridge to end his life by jumping off it first.  Clarence knew that George would forget about his own perceived, overwhelming troubles and instinctively think of someone else’s and jump in the water to save Clarence.  It makes me think if we can still think of others even when we can’t connect with ourselves anymore, then maybe things aren’t as dire as we perceive.

The second is a lawsuit I was involved in about a patient in a psych ward on the eighth floor of a hospital who saw a window accidentally left open. The patient was in the psych unit after being admitted as a threat to himself and predictably saw the window open, raced down the hallway from his room, and dove head first out of it.  I always wondered if the patient momentarily felt free like Superman thinking he could fly through the air until he realized he couldn’t as he closed in on the ground floor.  I don’t say this out of jest by any means because the “poor” man survived with injuries too numerous to detail and I saw his hospital records which were quite dramatic because of their severity.  These stories make me think about what could have been the final trigger that took someone so tired of living in a certain manner, to not wanting to live at all!

Here’s a troubling concept I’m throwing out there for your consideration knowing that I don’t have an answer.  When people make the final choice to extinguish their existence on this earth, do they see those moment as acts of “courage”, “cowardess”, “control”, or “surrender”.  I just wonder if people feel that when they succumb to the belief they no longer have any power over the uncertainty of life, they can have the ultimate control over the eventuality of death.  Again I don’t know but I certainly am familiar with certain levels of despair where the phrases “maybe I’d be doing the world a favor if …”, “maybe the world would be better off without me”, or “maybe it would be better if I was never born (George Bailey)”, are just not abstract sentiments uttered just for dramatic effect.  It’s best to never take such sentiments too lightly because the distance between words, consideration, formulation, and action is too imprecise to disregard.  Again it bears repeating that we REALLY have to look out for one another because I shutter thinking about the potential consequences if we don’t!  Oh and by the way for those who use those phrases haphazardly for dramatic exercise or attention, please DON’T, because it scares the crap out of those who care about you, it loses its meaning over time, and there are those truly suffering who deserve that attention.

I stored this quote a while back and it’s relevance seems appropriate for this writing.  “The weeds keep multiplying in our garden, which is our mind ruled by fear.  Rip them out and call them by name.”  There were times leading up to my injury when I was more familiar with some perceived demons than I wanted to be.  Just being honest and rest assured that after the last year of reflection and reevaluation, I’m nowhere near those times and only recall them to remind me of the fact I’m really where I want to be.

So maybe you wonder what happened to those “demons”, or “goblins”, or whatever you want to call them that introduced themselves along my pathways.  They’re still around but I no longer fear them with any measure of intensity because I keep them where I can see them and confront them when necessary.  By no means is this due to some new pact I forged with “Christianity” (although the results may be the same) because it’s simpler than that and in the end, I am just enjoying my life with my “Christian”, and Deb, and Jason, a hell of a lot more!  If I had any suggestions through all this which may be worthless to some people, it seems better to stop running from whatever demons that terrify us, keep them close enough to monitor, and forge a manageable coexistence with the ones we can’t change.  It just feels like things seem less formidable and frightening when they’re within our reach.

If in doubt, let the basic foundation of your soul communicate loudly with your heart and mind, and let it guide you.  Let them overshadow and speak louder than those demons because no matter how they present themselves, they should not be allowed to act as our “gospel”.  Remember the goodness in our soul wherever it exists guides us, our demons no matter how perceived lead us astray and as owners of our existence, we CAN control their influence and it takes more work at times to exercise that power.  If you’re still confused, ask for help and if no ones available at the moment, I’m always around if you want someone to talk to.

Here’s something I wrote awhile back waiting for the right topic to use it so I think I’ll share it now.  After a closer exchange with the concept of death that I’d like, I really don’t fear it that much anymore, only the manner and who’ll have to be around that may be affected by it – if that makes sense.  It’s a demon I’m aware of so I keep it close to me so that I can benefit from its presence.  It keeps me driven in how I approach each day and the steps I take managing those 1,440 minutes afforded to me.

I know that if I saw someone like Ken ready to jump off a bridge or that patient running to an open window, I’d do everything in my power to save them because those are situations where my instinctive decision would be obvious.  But I talked to my sons about these story’s trying to impress upon them to be more alert to the subtleties of sadness we see in people we come across each day because we just don’t know the depth or complexities behind that sadness.  I truly am behind the mindset that the “gold standard” of our existence is to be kind to ourselves first and by consequence and extension, to each other.  Really how hard is it to just share a simple and genuine smile or “how are you” to make someone’s day better, even if momentarily, than do nothing when the opportunity calls for it and make it worse?  Really how hard is it, or do we just make it that way sometimes?  In the end, we have to keep an eye on each other because it shouldn’t take someone standing on a bridge or flying out a window to grab our attention!

I’ll leave you with this quotation because when overwhelmed, slow down, breathe, and “find a place inside where there’s joy and the joy will burn out the pain.” Joseph Campbell.  I’ll be keeping my eyes open just in case, trust me.

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Giving Life to Your Dreams – A Parent’s Challenge to His Sons (A Favorite)

24 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by in Confessional, Finding Happiness, Looking forward

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11/5/14

“Goals give you more than a reason to get up in the morning; they are an incentive to keep you going all day.  Goals tend to tap the deeper resources and draw the best out of life.”

Boys really digest this and let it infect every part of your inner and outer being.  Frankly very few people consistently live with this mindset because they lack faith in themselves, who they feel they can be, or what they believe they can accomplish.  Not me because that’s not my way and it shouldn’t be your guys’ habit either because you are young and more gifted than you know but have every opportunity to find out.  This should apply to all of us but in your case Jason and Cole, you’re starting to find out your watches are ticking and can’t be rewound.

I wake up early and go to sleep late because I wait for my most important goals of the day to be fulfilled – that my family and I wake up and fall asleep safely together under the same roof.  As a husband and father, tell me what better way to measure the remainder of each day and night.  Don’t misinterpret that these are the only goals I have because I still continue the completion of well-established goals or creation of newer ones including this particular text.  Many I keep to myself without witness but trust me, they exist for my own assessment.

I see my goals as extensions of what I want out of me and, also for me.  I’m not necessarily inspired to change the world, just make a contribution each day to and for my world.  There is nothing more glorious I can ask of myself because striving to achieve the simple and grander ambitions I’ve set to their completion provides me with a growing hope for everything I am connected or will connect with.

I will share with you that I don’t fall asleep each night until I envision something I plan to do the next day and then what I need to accomplish towards it’s fruition.  Maybe that’s why I wake up so early now because I get genuinely excited about the day ahead and it’s filled with hope, not dread.  I still worry and get frustrated but I have faith in me and therefore I’m the master of what I hope for.  It’s not enough to just wake up and wish to get something out of nothing. I’ve been there, done that, with predictable results!  I hunger for more than getting through the day so I CHOOSE to do something and take action for myself, Deb, you guys, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and just about anything where being ME has some sort of impact or maybe makes a difference!  Fear of rejection, failure, or negative responses do not factor into my strategy because I’ve learned they rarely occur if my plan is properly calculated for success and I’ll just deal with them if they do happen.

How about you?  Do your goals still fall in the “abstract” category or are they more tangible to the point they are introduced into your overall planning?  I’ve told J if college baseball is his goal, he needs to do at least one thing each day to get closer to it happening whether it be contacting schools, maintaining existing dialogues, working out beyond his coaches’ requirements, studying more to maintain GPA, and anything significant beyond nothing!  Write it down whether in your phone notepad or a journal and track your progress but make sure there is movement at some point each day and not backwards or spinning in the same place.  Also planning to do nothing because of the uncertainty about what may or may not happen does not count because that guarantees you’ll get nothing of significance in return!  What an “f’d up” approach and running in fear of the unknown means jogging in place!

Our souls strive for living our lives to its extreme and it hungers for more when we reject or fail to do more!  Goals are the fuel that raise every part of the soul within us and is fed by every goal we create and it grows as we strive towards their completion.  I honestly think your youth would be better served in my hands because I have a better grasp and appreciation of how to use it but unfortunately, God has not answered my requests to change places and go back in time.  I guess He trusts you guys with your own youth so don’t fail Him by doing less than what He has laid out for you.

This is just an observation but I’m impressed that Christian at his young age already has a plan in place to achieve his current goals and we discuss it almost daily.  It’s as much about him recognizing what he needs to do and telling “me” what he needs me to do to help him get there.  Sure he’s young and we can rationalize that he hasn’t yet faced the obstacles that lay ahead.  That’s crap! He’s watched those around him and his plan is to avoid those pratfalls that others have created for themselves, and take action after seeing where inactivity has failed them.  “God, family, and baseball” are his priorities and I’ve pointed out that often they are all connected at the same time.  I only want to change places with him because I’m envious of what he already has put in place to do and his plans for what he sees for HIS future. He actually cares little (neither do I) about how his self-confidence is perceived – only that he can back it up.

Some things may be too late for me with the passing of years but I still feel I have plenty to strive for!  How about you?  Everything in life has meaning but how will you find it’s meaning for your life?  If you want to give me reasons why you choose not to do something that may accomplish your goals, I’ll give you two better reasons to do it.  You should and you can!  Even at my age, I keep pushing towards my goals because I should and I STILL CAN!  If I had quit a year ago when faced with the most serious challenges from my injury, God should have stopped wasting His time and belief in me and had me just check out then!

You’re young but for you older boys, once you’re out of high school you begin to start adding up the “what ifs”, “if I had just done’s”, and “what was I thinking’s”.  You’re in school and if you need to focus on your grades and homework – JUST DO IT!  An opportunity is within reach waiting for you to take advantage of it – JUST DO IT!  There’s an opportunity you can create but you’re worried about rejection or failure – JUST DO IT!  Have a dream but procrastinating about what you know needs to be done – I’m begging you to stop the BS right now and JUST DO IT!  If there’s a moment where you can improve your life or that of another – for God’s sake JUST DO IT!

Finally God has blessed us as parents to give you the gift of life and we’ve cherished each day thereafter.  We’ve witnessed the birth and growth of all your most important goals and dreams and supported them through times of feast and famine.  We are at the critical stage where are objective observations may contradict your subjective measurement of what you’re doing.  It’s our job to help keep your goals alive as long as you want them.  Moreover, it helps keep some of our dreams alive that we created when you were born.  As we have faith in you, please have faith in us and what we encourage you to do because we know more and share the same dreams.

In the end, you need to look at your goals, take stock of what you have to accomplish them (which is probably more than enough), and then go to sleep at night with a vision for the next day of not only what you need to, but want to do since after all, these goals and dreams belong to you.  Remember if you’re only going to think about it, you’ve only exercised your brain to recognize what you didn’t accomplish and you don’t want to be haunted by it when it’s really too late to do a damn thing about it anymore!  So JUST DO IT because it gives your life a purpose and in the end, you’ll find everything already belonged to you way back when the dream was first born.

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These Last Seizures Didn’t “Seize” What’s Mine – Thoughts to Family

22 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Confessional, Hope, Reflection

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4/21/15

Creating and/or intensifying our center of interest on unnecessary problems is life’s way of attempting to get across that we have forgotten how lucky we are at this moment or, understand how fortunate we previously have been on so many of its basic levels. Why we do this is a complex jumble of factors that we too easily allow to serve as predators that keep us isolated in caverns of despair without recognition that we have the resources to defeat them with many of the same implements that constrain us. How we get out of those situations may be more complex but then again maybe not, if we fully demonstrate that we are aware and appreciative of what we have and can have with OUR own (not someone else’s) work, and that we are not forever cursed by the anomalies that arise through personal or foreign invention.

I say this today because I spent the last two weeks “pissed” off about the two fairly intense seizures I suffered on April 6th that hurled themselves into a pattern of existence that was fairly peaceful and content since the more traumatic injuries and seizure I suffered a little over a year ago. Maybe I didn’t understand because this most recent dilemma thrust itself into that pattern without any apparent action, inactivity, or contribution on my part that would seemingly have held me accountable for its occurrence. I mean, where is the fairness in being blindsided, impeded, and figuratively thrown back on the ground because of it? Now after some reflection, I understand that I am an “idiot” for even asking and I’ll tell you why!

My most recent post, “For Goodness Sake, Life is Fair!”, is something I initially wrote to you guys last December and it now “called me out on the carpet” to prove my words and thoughts had validity to this present showdown. It fortified what needs to be done to “save” an individual method of living too valuable to disregard over this setback, regardless of how the “real” demands of it present themselves in the upcoming minutes, hours, days, weeks, etc..

Just like you guys, being lectured about the most obvious approaches to various challenges can be irritating, even when the source of that advice is ME. However I truly needed ME and no one else to wake up and remind me of the following: “LIFE IS FAIR! It does not seek out anyone individually to punish yet it does allows us the opportunity and freedom to overcome almost anything, even though it may not be exactly as we’d prefer.”

Also from that same post, there was included a quote that sorted things out a bit more: there is a “difference between feeling neurological pain and real pain. With neurosis, there are lots of things that feel like assaults on the self. With greater degrees of mental, [physical], and emotional health, fewer things feel like assaults on the self.” I was angry and frustrated but what I felt was not the kind of pain that should disable me beyond the general limitations that may temporarily curtail me and by no means should they be allowed to travel with me on a course of happiness that I’ve worked so hard for, I’m entitled to, and want to share with those around me!

So “I’m back” (whatever that means) from where I was after being a little bit lost as the dust settled from the quakes caused by the seizures, wishing only that I hadn’t lost the two weeks to the haze and associated exasperation that resulted. I finally get it that it’s not as important about what just occurred but what I do as I walk away from it, determined to stride towards something better. I will continue to believe in the following with all my heart because who has the right to tell me I’m wrong? “Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” – G. K. Chesterton.

On a related note after reflecting on what I needed to do to address the results of the seizures and my commitment and stubborn obsession to them, I casually mentioned and kind of half-apologized to Christian the other day that there was no way to avoid the fact that he and Jason carry my blood and that of my parents on how we approach things and he simply responded, “Dad, you don’t know how much I thank you for that!” I liked that, especially since the kid was the only one with me when the seizures happened and he kept it completely together and got me help while on the street waiting for Deb to get there while away from home when things could have turned out much worse if he hadn’t been so calm. Thanks C and it goes to show that it’s always a benefit when a “Dico” has your back since slaying dragons don’t seem to be impossible to them, you know?

Last thing which is something I wrote to a friend having a tough day yesterday based on a website (“jumpforjoyphotoproject”) created by a photographer now following my site after coming across my recent post about life being fair. It’s based on pictures she takes of people jumping in the air with joy at various sites around the world. After seeing those photos and their impact on me, I told my friend that sometimes we should all just “jump for joy” because we can and should, instead of letting other people and things tether us to the ground because they’re not supposed to and they shouldn’t! It just seems that there’s more than enough reasons to make such jumps when we can!

Critical Absolutes in Life to Consider – To My Children

20 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by in Kindness, Looking forward

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9/23/14

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.”

This is much along the same vein of what I’ve been asking you to continue to be aware of.

I want you to think about the following and it’s not at all intended to distress you but give you a measure of appreciation of our lives now and some insight to how we should view the life ahead of us so that we don’t immerse ourselves in challenges that inevitably and unpredictably will confront us (I’m older so I speak from experience).

There are few absolutes in life but the most basic is that once we enter this life, we will some day have to leave it.  No need to focus on these particulars other than to recognize that the importance is not the beginning or the end but rather the quality, not the duration, of the “in between”.  Don’t rely on the concept of “life expectancy” measurements because as we are constantly reminded through personal and global events, tragedy has a different definition of equality.

So what do we do?  Actually not much more beyond what we are doing now, or what we already know.  If having problem with the first, trust your instincts on the second while factoring the absolutes above as you go through each day.  I really want you to invest in this life and use your senses to be aware that there exists a pulse not only in you, but that there is also an almost musical rhythm to everything around you.  This is not some theological BS I’ve created in my mind but something I’ve grown to be increasingly aware of through not only the patently obvious, but what was once imperceptible to me.  I know, maybe just an imaginary complication of my brain injury but what if I’m right?

So get to the point Dad!  We all know that even the best laid plans somehow get ousted in the execution.  Sometimes things occur when we never intended for their development.  Maybe your steadfast dreams temporarily feel like nightmares.  Here’s the best I can offer.

If you feel lonely, it’s not the same as being alone and regardless there is always someone there if you open your eyes.  Some things just don’t matter but always remember that you matter, especially to me.  When you start falling deeply into despair, reach up your hand because their will be another one lowered to raise you up, even though it may be an anonymous one.  If your heart feels broken, at least you know it’s there and can be repaired.  If you are too tired to run forward, rest and/or slow down but don’t go in reverse since only what’s ahead will help widen your growth.

If you lose something important to you, don’t get lost by its absence because at least you had it at some point to appreciate its importance.  Case in point:  I kind of knew that I would lose my parents but I never envisioned that it would happen in the course of a ten-month period.  I dealt with it initially in what kind of worked in the short-term through denial and distraction but it took me a lot of time to realize that my prolonged and underground grief extended well beyond what my parents would have wanted for me.  I had them, I’m grateful to have had them, and I miss them – what more is there for me to dwell on?  However by knowing them and what they shared with me, I grew to understand that they would not have wanted me to torment myself about the time I can no longer have with them, at least during this part of my existence.  Now when I shed a tear because of them, it’s only because you boys never got to meet them which is why I share so much about them with you.

Almost at the end!  When you feel happy for whatever reason, remember how different it feels compared with other emotions and that it’s probably your best opportunity to make a difference to help others (whether family, friends, or strangers) when surrounded by small opportunities to do so (see beginning quote).  Since we all have known similar emotions of feeling depressed or despair, then maybe the smallest kind gesture may have an impact.  We all know the obvious signs or clues, and it’s not important to know the why, what, solution, or response in return.  It’s only important that we as human beings caught in the same environment react to such an opportunity and do more than just share space in it.

Another absolute:  God may be the first to love you and likely the last but I find it hard to fathom that He can love all of you more than I do when I think about you, and more so as I end writing this!

Dad

For Goodness Sake, Life is Fair – Message to My Family (A Favorite)

13 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by in Finding Happiness, Looking forward, Reflection

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12/20/14

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” — Martin Luther King, Jr

Let’s start with something I’ve learned to accept in my lifetime.  People are not always fair or kind; We may not always be fair or kind to ourselves; Circumstances may not start out equally for everyone; Timing of the tests in our lives are not ever convenient.  With that in mind, it is hard to contest my following belief:  LIFE IS FAIR!  It does not seek out anyone individually to punish yet it does allows us the opportunity and freedom to overcome almost anything, even though it may not be exactly as we’d prefer.

Dr. King recognized that when faced with the hardships in our lives that we inevitably will encounter, we unveil the strengths and/or deficits in our character.  We begin to understand that although those difficulties feel seemingly insurmountable at the outset, the quality of our response and the determination we exercise to overcome them provides us with a growing belief structure that provides us with the groundwork to confront future challenges.  Hopefully we can exit each struggle with the knowledge that we are much more prepared and durable (rather than just surviving), as a result of each encroachment on our collective mental, emotional, and other intangible capabilities.

I do think that there is a sliding scale of the challenges we encounter.  The most difficult and defining are those that seem random, unexpected, and seemingly out-of-proportion to the resources we currently have to overcome them.  Those are the most tragic because they are the most difficult to process since they appear without rationale or logical origin.  At the other end of the spectrum are those challenges that are products of our own creation whether it be through poor choices, a misdirected sense of entitlement, lack of appreciation of the gifts bestowed upon us, or general self-absorption.  Those are almost as troublesome since they require a telling reassessment of the shortcomings in our values and priorities.  The hope is for a sense of enlightenment so that we are better prepared to avoid similar catastrophes while laying the groundwork for an improved existence for ourselves and others.

On a related note, I read an article the other day in the sports section about a 56 year-old female minister who is an amateur boxer.  Besides being amazed at the tenacity of this unassuming and older woman, the quotes in the article reminded me of J’s pre-game ritual of listening to the scene in “Balboa” where Rocky explains to his son what defines a winner versus a loser (“not how hard you get hit but…”).  Some of them are as follows and worth serious examination as to how we react to obstacles we may encounter.

–  “You learn to take a punch…and that soreness is not pain.  The literal informs the metaphorical… Refraining pain is part of spiritual growth.”

–  “The biggest thing about taking a punch is your ego reacts, and there’s no better spiritual lesson than not trying to pay attention to your egos reaction.”

–  Boxing “reminds me of the difference between feeling neurological pain and real pain.  With neurosis, there are lots of things that feel like assaults on the self.  With greater degrees of mental, [physical], and emotional health, fewer things feel like assaults on the self.”

I really took a lot from those quotes.  When faced with challenges, our first response is usually generated from our egos because we find it difficult to understand the reasoning and source for our misfortune.  Remember again – LIFE IS FAIR and it’s unreasonable to believe that we are insulated from the adversities that others encounter.  Once we overcome the perceived insults to our egos, we can be more adept at facing our obstacles.  Then when that occurs, we need to ignore the psychological and neurotic pain, so that we can address and absorb the “real” pain that we must undergo to surpass that which we would rather, but have no choice to, avoid.

Being removed from our comfort zone is consequently unsettling and it takes a lot of desire, patience, courage, and inner-strength to return to that sense of well-being.  The easiest way is to surrender meekly to our tragedies and let them dictate the remainder of our days because unless confronted, we remain slaves to their continued presence.  The most difficult is to somehow prevail beyond the “real pain”, doubt, insecurities, and assaults on our psyche so that we do not remain further paralyzed to these continued deficits.  I’ve found no comfort in surrender (although I’ve been close to that point), because any constructive independence I can assert is dependent on my ability to neutralize tragedy and their associated demons.  More of who I am is based on what I’ve overcome than what I’ve been given and I feel better prepared for the next onslaught, if and when it occurs.  I have to remind myself to serve as my own master rather than kneel before one who is my figurative assailant!

I will leave you with one last quotation.  Where do you see yourself in the following divisions of people?  If in the latter, then I guess find comfort in the idea that “Life is NOT fair”!

“…there are persons who seem to have overcome obstacles and by character and perseverance to have risen to the top. But we have no record of the numbers of able persons who fall by the wayside, persons who, with enough encouragement and opportunity, might make great contributions.”

Summer of 2014 and Beyond – To Jason & Cole

10 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by in Looking forward

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6/12/14

Abraham Lincoln once said: “I may be a slow walker but I never walk backwards.” I guess this is kind of appropriate for the end of the school year.

Starting today you both are faced with the beginning of a year full of choices which will color the pages of how your future is painted. Most of those choices will be obvious and some will be more complex and harder to answer. Try to make the best ones so that you don’t stray far from the path to your immediate and future goals. You will find that you will minimize the tragic heartbreak to yourself and loved ones that only catastrophic mistakes create. Don’t be cobbled by random adversity and don’t linger too long on the present because it quickly dissolves into a past that is not open to alteration and useful only for memories and education. Look ahead and move forward because playing from behind leads to having to swing for the fences and infrequent victories.

I wish nothing but the best for you now and in the future. Your families are the constant when you get lost and they will always guide you home but do your best to control and define your journey and I’ll one day say with pride “I knew them when!” Enjoy the summer “Boys” and the next steps into the future!

The Magic of Compliments

08 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Finding Happiness, Kindness

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JoeDicoSpeaks

11/20/14

“I just think it’s silly to be stingy with compliments. If you see someone and they strike you as beautiful in any way, why not let them know?”

Obviously I embrace this mindset and during the past year, I’ve made it a point to let people know of any observation that justifies praise of the quality of their character and/or characteristics, regardless of age, gender, race, et., since my senses are not limited by filters that may distort them. I’m sure it may appear to some as a way to draw attention to myself, but it’s more an expression of gratitude for drawing my attention to them. Acknowledgement of another’s simple beauty is no less glorious than the artistry captured in the works of Da Vinci or the Egyptian pyramids, and can be simply appreciated within our personal surroundings and observations.

Here’s an abstract concept. There is nothing more…

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We Own the Choices We Make So Make the Best Ones – Father to Sons

04 Saturday Apr 2015

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9/9/14

“An error doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.”

This is simple and logical but let’s revisit some essential thoughts I’ve shared in the past.

We own all the choices we make and as a consequence, the results of those choices. Fault may be apportioned elsewhere for denial’s sake but ultimately we have to accept that the final distribution ultimately leads back to us.

Next point is that we have to approach choices with something I wrote before. When faced with a situation calling for a decision, the obvious yes or no answer is likely the correct one. When having to pause and try to justify an answer contrary to your basic instincts, then that’s probably the wrong answer. You have been raised with a foundation consisting of the knowledge to know which choices are best for you and then, for those closest to you.

Something that I recognize is that we do not exist in a bubble with other people and things having a proportional impact on our lives. This is the fantastic part of our existence and the opportunity to share the best part of ourselves with the best part of others. There are those that will present you with choices and for those close to you, those options should generally not be intended to induce you to stray from the center of your intended journey. If they continue to do so, my suggestion is to tell them firmly to STOP IT! If they continue to do so, then the question is whether their interests reflect less a concern for what you need for the objectives you want, or more for self-absorbed requirements of theirs.

The goal is to surround ourselves with individuals who help us to feel better about ourselves. In addition they give us the support that assists us in getting closer to not only what we envision for ourselves but possibly beyond that! I implore you to factor these elements as part of your evaluation for long-term relationships with those who you foresee as part of your journey. Please allow your family a great deal of latitude, in particular your parents. Our interests are directed toward your lifelong best interests. I guess some of the translation is lost as a consequence of our lengthy interaction with each other as the development of your individuality becomes more defined. Just be wary of the need to defend that individuality for no other reason than blind rebellion since it can be perfected with our guidance.

Now the part applies to mom and me. Our response to your mistakes is critical to your learning curve. We have to rise above natural human reactions to help you grow from mistakes. Little attention should be given to the cause, blame, or lecture since that is fairly obvious after the fact. What’s required is calm and focus on the solution and a concerted effort to reduce chaos and drama. Since the obvious lessons should be apparent, our role is to point out the more expansive effects of your dilemma and point out ways to avoid them in the future. Again, I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO, but I don’t have to feel so right just to bury you in how wrong you are or can be.

Jason you have a lot going on right now and feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’m not going to marginalize it by comparing it to something that might seem more important to me because it still feels the same way. Slow down, step back, analyze your priorities, and listen to coach Butcher for the Angels. “When you hold all that tension in your body, you lose clarity of what you’re thinking, you lose vision of what you’re seeing, and you can’t finish pitches off. When you able to relax and breathe, you can take a lot of things in. Tension is a form of stress. It will cause you to rush things.”

When you have things to deal with or do, deal with them and do them right away with a purpose because PROCRASTINATION LEADS TO PREOCCUPATION, DISTRACTION, DISRUPTION, FRUSTRATION, and DESTRUCTION if not promptly addressed. Know that we are all on the same page and not just here for you but here with you along the way.

Being Someone’s Angel – Shout Out to Deb and Dee Dee

03 Friday Apr 2015

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JoeDicoSpeaks

Sometimes we owe the most to people we know little or almost nothing about.

Case in point: I’ve seen countless times where strangers have met Deb and within minutes, are sharing their most intimate and hidden frailties, insecurities, and problems with her. It must be because they recognize that she is not only willing to genuinely listen to the content, but that she recognizes their need to willingly share that content. Although this will often test every level of patience, afterwards I wonder how much of an impact and improvement she had on that person’s life, even for a short amount of time. That’s a reason why I love and am amazed by her, often more frequently than I let her know.

My friend Dee Dee has that same gift. It’s funny that outside of her family and our baseball lives, I know so little about her and her husband…

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Feeling The Best About Ourselves – Message To My Sons

02 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by in Finding Happiness, Looking forward

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JoeDicoSpeaks

8/25/14

“Unheard of means it’s only undreamed of yet; Impossible means it’s just not yet done.”

The other day I was leaving with Christian from the gym and out of the blue, he said “Dad I feel really good about myself.” I asked why and he responded “I don’t know, I’m just in a good mood”. I was kind of proud because how often do you here people, much less a thirteen year-old, say that without some measure of overconfidence or overcompensation. I felt at that moment this was a child who did not see limitations on himself or the capacity his life could offer him.

I guess that’s where great accomplishments, especially those unimagined, start. We have to feel the greatest connection with ourselves to transfer it over to the mental and physical strength necessary to obtain perfect goals and create perfect moments. How can we see the best…

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